IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It has been believed that people who read for pleasure have developed imagination and good language skills than those who prefer to watch T.V. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #pleasure #imagination #language #skills #v
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It is thought by some
people
 that reading has been able to enhance creativity and language
skills
 for their
readers
 more than watching television. In
this
 essay,
this
 aspect will be discussed before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is true that reading provides several benefits to their
readers
.
Firstly
, It can develop the ability of imagination.
For example
, individuals who read Harry Potter need to imagine spells or situations that are described in the form of words.
Hence
, if they want to enjoy reading their books, they need to
use
 their creativity more than
people
 who do not read.
Secondly
, words and sentences in books are well-arranged. To illustrate, novel writers always think carefully about the structure of sentences before they write, meaning,
readers
 can
use
 it to learn and improve their language proficiency effectively.
Furthermore
, The novels contain a wide array of vocabulary which can be used in real-life conversations.
On the other hand
, watching on devices
such
 as televisions offers advantages to their users.
To begin
 with, one part of our brain that relates to art and creativity is sharply developed whilst individuals are watching TV.
People
 can see movements, actions, colours, etc,
for example
, when protagonists in Harry Potter wield their spells or magics.
Therefore
, watchers are able to absorb that art and
further
 their imagination
skills
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 they are watching movies.
Additionally
,
readers
 of novels sometimes find it hard to comprehend
due to
 the languages that writers
use
. Some of them are too formal to
use
 in writing more than speaking,
besides
, some words cannot be used on a daily basis. All in all, there are some groups of
people
 who lean towards reading because they believe it is better to develop
skills
 than watching. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
 idea, both of them can enhance individuals'
skills
 but it depends on how they are going to utilise it in what ways.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay are equally developed. The conclusion is present but could be more comprehensive and reflective of the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas seamlessly. This will enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
In the context of language use, avoid repetition and make use of synonyms to add variety and depth to your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the topic and covers both sides of the argument effectively.
task achievement
Examples used are relevant and help to support the main points well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and main points are supported effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • language skills
  • cognitive engagement
  • comprehension
  • critical thinking
  • vocabulary
  • sentence structures
  • empathy
  • emotional intelligence
  • perspectives
  • mental images
  • proficiency
  • diverse
  • passive engagement
  • auditory distractions
What to do next:
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