In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, the pervasiveness of criminal activities is believed to be the result of violent
scenes
displayed on technological amenities. I completely agree with
this
notion, as
people
often follow the
content
they watch, leading them to apply it in real-life situations. Primarily, abusive contents lead to consumers' opinions that committing a crime is commonplace. Many
people
spend most of their time watching television or playing video games, consuming hours of
content
. If
this
activity is filled with abusive
scenes
, it will make them believe that
such
activities are acceptable.
For example
, someone who continuously watches rape
scenes
on screen will be more likely to commit the same activity later, as they consider
such
activity normal.
Thus
, consuming crime portrayals repeatedly affects
people
's criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Additionally
, violent portrayals motivate observers to commit crimes merely as fanatic fans. Some
people
often idolize characters that have abusive personalities, making them follow whatever
such
actors portray.
For instance
, a person robs a store solely because they see their idol commit
such
things in films or games.
Therefore
, crimes can be the result of mimicking idol roles.
However
, critics argue that images created on screens are merely a form of entertainment.
While
this
statement is valid, the fact that abusive
content
has significant impacts on
people
's criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is undeniable. Entertainment can still be delivered in more appropriate and fun ways,
such
as comedy or romance, fostering good camaraderie. In conclusion, despite arguments that violent
content
is solely a form of entertainment, I firmly believe that
such
scenes
depict actions that can motivate
people
to commit crimes.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly differentiated to avoid potential overlap. While the arguments are strong, more clarity and distinction between the points can enhance understanding.
task achievement
Provide additional counterarguments where possible, as this will show a balanced view and deepen your analysis. While you addressed a common counterargument, further exploration can enhance your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured effectively with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, which aids readers in following the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to support the main arguments, which strengthens your points.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of transitional phrases and clear paragraphing maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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