IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #case #situation
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In many nations, it is widely accepted that homeowners are better rather than renters. Even though having a new house poses higher social status,
this
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 essay argues that
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 is a negative development because it brings negative effects that will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the practical level, becoming a homeowner is commonly associated with a higher position in society. People tend to perceive homeowners as financially established compared to renters.
For instance
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, many employees, particularly those who work as professionals or skilled workers
such
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 as doctors and lecturers in Indonesia, are trying to buy a new home in order to achieve
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 social status.
Although
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 having a new house may lead to financial problems,
such
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 as debt, most of them believe that
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 is the best way to purchase their social advantages as homeowners.
However
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, I am of the opinion that
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 phenomenon is a negative development for some reasons. The primary reason is that it will bring financial problems for their family
due to
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 the fact that the price of houses is very expensive.
Instead
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 of spending a large amount of money to purchase a house, it is more beneficial if
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 budget is allocated for their school’s children or to improve the skills required in their workplaces. A study carried out by the Ministry of Housing of Indonesia in some metropolitan cities in Indonesia found that having a new home is associated with debt that tends to increase stress levels, which means that they become less productive workers
due to
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 the fact that their work orientation is money-oriented. In conclusion, owning a home is crucial since it is valued as having a higher social status compared to renters. In my opinion,
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 is a negative trend because
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 may lead to financial difficulties and less productivity.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly supports the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using repetitive language and try to vary your expressions and sentence structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant, try to integrate a wider range of evidence or perspectives to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion does not merely restate the introduction but also synthesizes the main arguments presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is logically structured and supports the main argument, which enhances the clarity of the essay.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed, and specific examples are provided to support the arguments, making the essay more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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