Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The constantly increasing number of hours the young generation spends in front of a smartphone has become a hotly debated topic nowadays. There are both positive and negative aspects associated with
this
development.
First of all, smartphones
are the most convenient way of sharing information. By using the apps, children
can not only talk to each other,
but participate in charts and share pictures or shorts. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, it takes less than an hour for my son to create a new broadcast in
TikTok and to get feedback from his friends. Change preposition
on
Moreover
, it can be a great source of information, as with access to Google answers to almost every question can be found easily.
However
, there are some negative aspects, related to smartphones
. For many children
, mobile devices can replace real friends from
the real world, as no time for peers will remain. Lack of communication with real people can prevent a child from proper development and can lead to serious difficulties in interpersonal communication. Change preposition
in
For example
, in Mexico
Add a comma
Mexico,
children
grow up spending many hours in
their Change preposition
on
smartphones
instead
creating
Change preposition
of creating
relationship
in Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
real
world, which is Add an article
the real
significant
drawback.
Another consequence of spending too much time on Add an article
a significant
smartphones
can be deterioration
in the ability to learn. It is Correct article usage
a deterioration
well known
fact that after overuse of Add a hyphen
well-known
screentime
pupils become more aggressive and experience difficulties in concentration, which affects their ability to study. Correct your spelling
screen time
In addition
, the extended use of smartphones
may cause addiction, which will negatively impact mental health.
To conclude
, many children
recognize smartphones
as useful sources of information and communication tools, however
, uncontrolled use affects their mental health and encourages young people to live in virtual reality, that is
why I see it as a negative development, that causes more damage than benefit youth.Submitted by vikiregev on
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coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to enhance coherence. For example, using more linking words like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' or 'consequently' would help.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the primary points while leaving a lasting impression or calls for action.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to bolster your arguments. While the examples given are relevant, providing a bit more detail can make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Your task response is strong, but ensure you're consistently developing each paragraph fully. Some points could use more elaboration.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
The topic is addressed thoroughly, covering both positive and negative aspects, which shows a comprehensive understanding.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to back up the points, contributing to the strength of the arguments made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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