Some people believe that it is good for a country to host a major sports competition. Others think it causes many problems for the country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The indisputable meaning of athletics in general has long been believed related to
human’s
bonding and connectedness. Change noun form
human
However
, a recent backlash about the polarization of whether the establishment of major sports
competitions could provide any advantages, or they
impact detrimentally to their Correct pronoun usage
apply
host
countries. In this
essay, I will discuss both perspectives and emphasize on
my personal interpretation.
Change preposition
apply
Sports
tournaments, though ostentatious, convey myriads of disadvantages to the host
country. Conspicuously, conducting events and championship
, Fix the agreement mistake
championships
sports
specifically, needs the establishment of infrastructure and the witnesses of audiences. Thus
, the unimaginable monetary cost, the reduction of raw materials, and the emission of detrimental gasses, such
as CO2, by transportations
is inevitable. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
Consequently
, affecting
not only the availability of resources, Wrong verb form
this affects
Correct word choice
but conversely
conversely
Rephrase
also
aggravating
the contentious issues of Global Warming and air pollution. Wrong verb form
aggravates
Furthermore
, the celebration of the audience and the potential traffic jams has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
also
exacerbated the noise pollution status.
Despite the propounded drawbacks, there are myriads of optimism toward such
competitions. Firstly
, the potential profit from such
events were
monumental and voluntarily occurred, Change the verb form
was
thus
contributing efficiently to the host
country’s economy. Secondly
, while
the overabundance of nourishments
is obvious nowadays, obesity has Fix the agreement mistake
nourishment
consequently
rising
, detrimentally affecting our population's well-being. Change the verb form
risen
However
, the encouragement from sports
events could encourage and motivate humans to work out, establishing a healthier vogue on
the Change preposition
in
host
country. Moreover
, entertainment is essential to one’s mental and physical well-being, thus
, by encouraging witnesses and viewers, exhaustively increasing their productivity.
Ultimately, while
there are numerous disadvantages to the Correct word choice
apply
establishments
of Fix the agreement mistake
establishment
sport
competitions Change the noun form
sports
such
as numerous forms of pollution and the depletion of materials. I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as the profits of both health and monetary are emphasized.Submitted by bendy.anhle on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay provides a good discussion of both views and presents a clear opinion. However, some points are not fully elaborated. For example, while you mention the economic benefits and health encouragement, these points could be made more specific and supported with concrete examples.
task achievement
There are some issues with sentence structure and word choice that can affect clarity. For instance, 'consequently rising' should be 'consequently rising'. Ensure your sentences are clear and grammatically correct to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition in your writing. For instance, the word 'detrimentally' is used multiple times. Try to use synonyms or rephrase to maintain reader's interest and enhance the richness of your vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between points. While your essay is mostly well-structured, some ideas do not flow as smoothly as they could. Using linking words and phrases can help improve this aspect.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets a clear context for the essay and presents the topic well. This helps the reader understand what to expect from your discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and states your opinion clearly. This provides a strong end to your essay.
complete response
You present both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view, which is essential for a discussion essay. This shows good task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example