In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Obesity has been a critical issue in the public for some years. People argue whether

this

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is mainly caused by the fast

food

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commercials or there are other factors. In

this

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essay, I will explain both of the statements and why they should be banned or not. Junk

food

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advertisement offers affordable prices, convenience, and various types of foods in one stall.

Moreover

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, they promote it massively on each billboard located on many sites,

such

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as highways, train stations, or any crowded place

that is

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easily seen by people.

Furthermore

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, they develop a great amount of campaigns, discounts, and gifts that are very appealing. Later on, it would be the people's top mind to eat something cheap, quick, and enough to fulfil their hunger. Ironically, they are not aware

this

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could be a habit and some of them have become addicted to it. Because of

this

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, the number of obesity is rising in some countries.

However

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that is

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how the advertisement works, either in

food

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, beauty, or even the vehicle industry. Obesity might caused by many factors,

such

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as lack of workout, healthy

food

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education, and self-control.

For example

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, even though there are a bunch of ads that have been seen by someone who had a great self-awareness of their health, they still could maintain their life well.

Hence

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, I would say that blaming and banning the commercials will not solve the problem thoroughly.

Besides

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, there are many things that the society and government can work on together.

For instance

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, start by limiting the distribution of high-calorie meals, giving a severity label for each product, and socializing about low-calorie and low-fat

food

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through many communities. In conclusion, junk

food

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promotion plays a major part in its increasing popularity, the same as how another business wants to make its product known to the community. Still, the willingness to be aware and educated about healthy lifestyles is the key point for us to stay away from bad habits.

Therefore

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, disallowing the ads will not have a big impact on reducing the matter.

evaagustine11Thu May 16 2024

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task achievement

You have effectively addressed the task prompt by discussing both views on the relationship between junk food advertisements and obesity. However, providing a more balanced amount of detail and examples for each side of the argument could strengthen your essay further.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a good introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points well. To improve, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and maintain a consistent flow of ideas.

task achievement

Your main points are generally well-supported with relevant ideas and explanations. Including more specific examples, such as statistical data or study findings, would bolster the strength of your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing an effective framework for your argument.

task achievement

You have presented a well-rounded discussion on the topic by covering both views and providing your own opinion.

coherence cohesion

The points you made are logically structured and well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
junk food
advertising
banning
influence
dietary habits
calories
nutrients
exposure
impressionable
lifestyle choices
physical activity
nutrition education
balanced diet
freedom of choice
market economy
informed decisions
manipulated
advertisements
combat obesity

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