Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #sports #leisure #activity #role #option

Whilst many think that playing

sports

is just a source of entertainment, I believe that participation in different

sports

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

many benefits

becasue

Correct your spelling

because

games

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

a person to stay physically and mentally healthy, and

sports

also

increases

Correct subject-verb agreement

increase

show examples

competetive

Correct your spelling

competitive

spirit

among individuals.

To begin

with the former argument,

people

view various

games

and

sports

as an activity of fun. Playing

sports

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

a sense of relaxation to many individuals. Many

people

in the morning or evening visit

sports

grounds to fill up their free time. It is an inevitable fact that

sports

are a great source of entertainment, fun, and stress burster, and

people

play them in order to break the everyday monotony of life,

for example

, in many organisations there are annual

sports

competitions in order to make sure that the employees stay

stress free

Add a hyphen

stress-free

show examples

, as

sports

is considered as the best source of recreation.

On the contrary

, I believe that with

games

people

not only get entertained

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

stays

Correct subject-verb agreement

stay

show examples

fit both physically and mentally. The first and foremost factor to support my point is that,

participation

Change preposition

with participation

show examples

regularly in various sporting activities, a person does natural physical exercise of their whole body.

Morover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, some

games

enhances

Change the verb form

enhance

show examples

the cognitive abilities of humans,

for example

, chess.

Besides

this

sports

increases

Correct subject-verb agreement

increase

show examples

the

spirit

of competition in players,

for

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

teams

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

against each other in order to win, and

this

winning

spirit

assist

Change the verb form

assists

show examples

them later in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

as well.

Also

, playing distinct

games

promotes team

spirit

as well. In conclusion,

although

without a doubt

games

and

sports

are the best way to stay entertained, I still support the latter argument that with

sports

people

are able to develop holistically as

games

aids

Change the verb form

aid

show examples

people

to stay healthy;

moreover

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

promotes

Correct subject-verb agreement

promote

show examples

team

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

and competitive

spirit

among players.

Submitted by harleenarora620 on Thu May 16 2024

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task achievement

Work on correcting minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'becasue' and 'competetive' and 'stress burster'.

task achievement

Try to elaborate the points a bit more to provide deeper insights and clearer examples, e.g., explain how exactly sports lead to mental fitness.

coherence cohesion

Ensure transitions between ideas are smoother; using a variety of linking words would enhance the flow.

coherence cohesion

Expand the introduction and the conclusion to summarize the main points better and provide a stronger statement of your view.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced view considering both sides of the argument, which is great for Task Response.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, providing a clear structure.

task achievement

The points made are relevant and generally well-supported, making the ideas clear and comprehensive.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activity
relaxation
unwind
socialize
non-essential
recreational
physical health
fitness
life skills
teamwork
discipline
community pride
national pride
career opportunities
personal development
societal well-being
balanced view
acknowledge
benefits

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