Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

Whilst many think that playing
sports
is just a source of entertainment, I believe that participation in different
sports
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
many benefits
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
games
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
a person to stay physically and mentally healthy, and
sports
also
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
spirit
among individuals.
To begin
with the former argument,
people
view various
games
and
sports
as an activity of fun. Playing
sports
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
a sense of relaxation to many individuals. Many
people
in the morning or evening visit
sports
grounds to fill up their free time. It is an inevitable fact that
sports
are a great source of entertainment, fun, and stress burster, and
people
play them in order to break the everyday monotony of life,
for example
, in many organisations there are annual
sports
competitions in order to make sure that the employees stay
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
, as
sports
is considered as the best source of recreation.
On the contrary
, I believe that with
games
,
people
not only get entertained
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
fit both physically and mentally. The first and foremost factor to support my point is that,
participation
Change preposition
with participation
show examples
regularly in various sporting activities, a person does natural physical exercise of their whole body.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, some
games
enhances
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enhance
show examples
the cognitive abilities of humans,
for example
, chess.
Besides
this
,
sports
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the
spirit
of competition in players,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
teams
plays
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play
show examples
against each other in order to win, and
this
winning
spirit
assist
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assists
show examples
them later in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
as well.
Also
, playing distinct
games
promotes team
spirit
as well. In conclusion,
although
without a doubt
games
and
sports
are the best way to stay entertained, I still support the latter argument that with
sports
,
people
are able to develop holistically as
games
aids
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aid
show examples
people
to stay healthy;
moreover
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
and competitive
spirit
among players.
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

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task achievement
Work on correcting minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'becasue' and 'competetive' and 'stress burster'.
task achievement
Try to elaborate the points a bit more to provide deeper insights and clearer examples, e.g., explain how exactly sports lead to mental fitness.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas are smoother; using a variety of linking words would enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
Expand the introduction and the conclusion to summarize the main points better and provide a stronger statement of your view.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view considering both sides of the argument, which is great for Task Response.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, providing a clear structure.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and generally well-supported, making the ideas clear and comprehensive.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • relaxation
  • unwind
  • socialize
  • non-essential
  • recreational
  • physical health
  • fitness
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • community pride
  • national pride
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • societal well-being
  • balanced view
  • acknowledge
  • benefits
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