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Band 6.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism, but others consider that tourism is the only way pf protecting a culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #pf
It is thought by some people that the influx of tourists will ruin and destroy their authentic
culture
while
 others believe it is the way to save
culture
. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, there are several disadvantages that tourism can bring to society.
Firstly
, the mixed
culture
food
 is created and ruins the local ones.
Although
 tourists travel to other countries, they still sometimes crave their own national
food
together with
 want to try something new.
Therefore
, many local restaurant owners try to adapt and invent new dishes, meaning, a combination dish which will ruin the authentic taste of their
food
.
Secondly
, travellers prefer to stay in a new modern style hotel.
This
 new state-of-the-art hotel can totally offer them a comfortability and entertainment more than most locals can offer.
On the other hand
, it is true that tourism can protect the local
culture
. In the first place, Tourists tend to support local restaurants as they need to gain a new experience.
For instance
, when
holiday-makers
Correct your spelling
holidaymakers
show examples
 go to the countryside, they normally opt for a local restaurant that sells authentic
food
instead
 of going to a restaurant that can give them their familiar
food
.
Therefore
, locals can earn money from these people and travellers can taste legit authentic
food
. In the second place, People who travel to another country mostly find local accommodation to stay during their trips. To illustrate, they choose to stay at a local motel because they want to learn and understand the local lifestyle. All in all, even if the movements of tourism will bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative effects which might ruin the local
culture
, they
also
 come with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive sides to support communities in local areas.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of both sides of the issue. However, to enhance your argument, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For example, you could include a case study or statistics about how tourism has impacted a particular culture.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between your points and paragraphs are as smooth as possible. While your essay does have a clear structure, using more linking words and phrases could further improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument in a balanced manner, which is commendable. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes logically structured paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • authenticity
  • commercialization
  • cultural exploitation
  • cultural heritage
  • dilute
  • erosion
  • over-tourism
  • proponents
  • revitalization
  • traditions and rituals
  • financial support
  • cultural exchange
  • global communities
  • preservation
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