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Writing Samples
Band 8

Most school offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is it important? Should physical educational classes be required or optional?

#school #offer #type #education #program #students #classes
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There is no gainsaying the fact that health is substantial in everyone’s life. Owing to
this
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schools
Use synonyms
 have included physical education in their curriculum.
While
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this
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 addition of a new subject has ameliorating benefits, I believe it should be kept as an optional subject. To commence with, there are a plethora of factors why it is beneficial to keep programs like physical education in
schools
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. The most significant is that it will help
children
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 develop healthy bodies. As exercising is the cure for many diseases, involving in some games will help them to stay fit.
For example
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,
children
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 should be given 30 minutes to play some sort of game every day after their lunch break, that might be basketball, football, volleyball etcetera.
As a result
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, the digestion system of
kids
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 will be improved and they will be healthier.
Moreover
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,
children
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 nowadays suffer from problems like obesity and playing games every day will help them cure
such
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 issues. In India,
for instance
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, nearly 75% of
kids
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 suffer from obesity
due to
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 an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise.
Hence
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, doing physical education might help to reduce
this
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 percentage and get rid of these problems. Despite all the benefits, it should still be kept an optional subject. One of the worth considering reason is that there are some disabled
kids
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 studying in almost all the
schools
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.
Therefore
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, it might be hard for them to get involved in sports.
Furthermore
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, there are some days when
children
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 suffer from problems like fever, diarrhoea or some sort of injury.
Thus
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, it will be tough for
children
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 during these phases to join other
kids
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 in these programs.
To conclude
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, I would like to ingeminate that
although
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 there are certain praiseworthy benefits of keeping sports programs in
schools
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, they should still be optional
due to
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 the above-mentioned reasons.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to engage the reader and demonstrate linguistic range.
task achievement
Try to integrate examples more seamlessly into your argumentation, ensuring they directly support your main points for a seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by acknowledging the benefits of physical education while arguing for its optional status, which demonstrates strong task response capabilities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Using specific examples, like the health statistics in India, strengthens your argument and demonstrates a good understanding of task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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