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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremly high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that goverments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #goverments #level
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These days, high
salaries
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 are earned by a small number of communities.
While
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this
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 benefits the country by boosting the economy, restricting
salaries
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 to a certain level could get rid of an unequal
distribution
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 of wealth.    On one hand, the restriction of high
salaries
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 would bring about an about an equitable
distribution
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 of wealth. If the government distributes
salaries
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 more evenly,
this
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 would mean that more
people
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 would have access to higher wages, reducing the gap between the highest and lowest earners.
In addition
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,
this
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 could lead to a reduction in poverty and improved social mobility.
For example
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, in Switzerland, authorities limited wages in 2013 in order to reach equal
distribution
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;
consequently
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, the poverty level in
this
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 company is low.
Thus
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, from one side,
this
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 approach has positive sides too.  
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who earn high
salaries
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 could bring a number of advantages to economic growth.
Firstly
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, high-earners typically pay more in taxes, which can contribute significantly to the government budget and fund public services and infrastructure.
Secondly
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, high earners may invest in innovative projects, start businesses, or support research and development, driving economic growth and creating jobs.
Therefore
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, for these reasons,
people
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 who earn high
salaries
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 can be influential in every aspect.    In conclusion,
although
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 restricting
salaries
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 to a certain level can lead to equal
distribution
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, individuals who are high earners can contribute to an economic boost.
As a result
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, I think that these
people
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 are extremely beneficial to government.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay mentions a relevant example from Switzerland, but providing more specific examples or data would strengthen your argument. For instance, referencing additional countries or real-world situations can provide more depth.
task achievement
While your arguments are clear and well-presented, it would be beneficial to incorporate a counter-argument to show a balanced view. This can also help in displaying critical thinking and understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there are no repeated phrases (such as 'about an about an'). A final proofread can eliminate such errors and improve the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction sets the stage well, and each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that succinctly summarizes the points discussed and provides your final opinion, aligning well with the question prompt.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, presenting a balanced view on the topic before concluding with your own opinion. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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