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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education
Every person has their own perspective of
success
. Some believe that a proper measurement of
success
 is either career or education. Of course, we have a very broad definition of
success
 since we come from a different environment with some distinct personal traits. A
further
 explanation of
success
 from my point of view will be presented below.
Firstly
, some different aspects may affect the meaning of
success
. As I have stated before, it depends on our surroundings
as well as
 our innate characteristics.
For example
, people who live in rural areas tend to view
success
 much simpler than those who live in urban areas. I see that most people in my village respect happiness more than anything. They cherish every moment they have experienced. So, for them,
success
 is about mindfulness.
On the other hand
, modern people, who mostly live in the city tend to be more competitive. They have been taught that
success
 needs an endeavour, even children are willing to study very hard day and night to acquire excellent marks. They presume
success
 is directly proportional to their sacrifice. As for me, I
also
 have my own concept of
success
. I succeed if I have accomplished what I have dreamt of,
although
 it is just a small one.
For instance
, if I have a job to be completed, and I did it on time, I consider it
also
 as a
success
.
This
 is a method for me to appreciate myself more so that it boosts my confidence and I can be more thoughtful. In conclusion, it is always interesting to have a different view of
success
 since we are a complex humankind. But there
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 similarity between everyone's concept of
success
 is it leads us to a cheerful life.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your main points are consistently developed throughout the essay and follow a clear progression. This will help improve the logical flow of your writing.
Task Response
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points further, especially the differences between rural and urban perspectives of success. This could strengthen your argument.
Task Response
Ensure that you stay consistent in your use of tenses and maintain clear, concise language throughout your essay. This will help in expressing your ideas more comprehensively.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion that ties your ideas together nicely.
Clear Ideas
Your viewpoints on success and the explanation of different perspectives are interesting and well-presented.
Logical Structure
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to another.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
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