You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
God created every human being with different abilities and talents. Some people think that it is beneficial to initiate
competition
in order to encourage your child
however
, other believes that those who are taught to cooperate with one another become more useful for society. In my opinion, creating comparisons is not a good option in order to motivate your child
.
In order to make their children
successful, parents start competition
among their children
since childhood. They start comparing their children
to other children
in school, their nieces and nephews and generate a sense of comparison in their minds. Due to
this
, it starts generating insecurities between children
, within friends and even between cousins. They start jealous of each other and their success. It also
demotivates children
and they start feeling depressed because they are not as successful as their other colleagues and friends. To illustrate, I don't have good
relationship with any of my cousin because they always treated me as their Add an article
a good
competition
and now we rarely talk because they feel jealous by thinking that I am way ahead of them. So, I think comparison and competition
create insecurity and destroy relationships among each other.
On the other hand
, a child
who has been taught to help others and cooperate with others tends to give more benefits to society. These children
do not consider anyone their competition
so they only work hard on them and try to achieve their goals. Also
, they help others in any way they can in their tasks. For example
, I recently referred my friend Mr. Manmohan Sharma for a Corporate Trainer post in my company. Moreover
, I helped him in his interview process and now he is working in my company. This
shows that teenagers who are taught to help each other become more useful.
To conclude
, According to
me, Competition
is not a good way to motivate as it leads to insecurities, the destruction of relationships and depression in children
. It is better to teach your child
to help and co-operate
with each other like Correct your spelling
cooperate
this
we can which
we can create a better society.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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grammar
Your ideas are clear and well-expressed, but be careful with minor errors in grammar and phrasing. For instance, consider revising 'children, within friends and even between cousins' to 'children, among friends, and even between cousins' for better clarity.
task response
Ensure that all parts of the question prompt are addressed directly. While your essay does discuss both views and offers a personal opinion, a bit more elaboration on why some people might find competition beneficial could add depth.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points, but aiming for a more compelling final sentence could leave a stronger impression. For example, ending with a vision of the future or a more powerful statement on the value of cooperation may work well.
structure
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, adhering to a logical structure overall.
relevance
The examples you provided are relevant and help to support your arguments effectively. Personal anecdotes add a nice touch of authenticity.
clarity
Your main points are well-supported and coherent, showing a clear understanding of the topic.