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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people aim to achieve a balance in between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
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Achieving a
work
-life
balance
 is necessary for both task and personal activity but
people
 are trying to exhaust their health to get success and the result is almost zero .
This
 essay will discuss the technological and materialistic causes of imbalance and provide possible solutions. The first reason for the inability to achieve a
work
-life
balance
 is the development of technology in the present day.
While
 we are harder to connect and adapt to the internet than ever in the past.
For instance
 , cell phones have become useful gadgets to keep the distance between personal and professional lives .
Moreover
, the job has brought diversity about flexibility when sitting at home but you can
work
 and approach global customers.The second blame goes to the materialistic society of today.
For example
,
people
 have an ambition that wants to live a luxurious life , and in that quest , their mindset appears a workaholic and
then
 that attitude becomes a harmful lifestyle because the cost of living always increases and increases.
Furthermore
,
people
 cannot achieve a
work
-life
balance
 because the workload and the pressure of
work
 are often different with different
people
. Not only that,
people
 weave successfully for themself by working as a workaholic to get the best life. Because what's
work
 personally cannot
work
 with another, making the choice for
work
-life depends on a variety of
people
.
Otherwise
, they can choose between trying to go ahead and taking a break to check their health and recovery mindset of emotions
such
 as happiness with family. The solutions are not quite simple . The first key is you must gain a skill that can switch the button of the office off . Another key is adopting some flexibility.It cannot
work
 effectively if you are almost rigid with the time to
work
 and goals , we set for ourselves enough.
To sum up
 . everyone is aware that achieving a perfect
work
-life
balance
 is difficult.
However
 , the key to satisfaction with
work
 is a method for a perfect
work
-life
balance
.
Submitted by sharkblack2k7 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Give more detailed examples to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to minimize run-on sentences and improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the causes and solutions that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
supported main points
The essay mentions relevant factors such as technology and materialism as causes.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
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