IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

according to some recent research rates for committing crime after a criminal's release are concerning at such high numbers, although unspecified.

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according to
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 some recent research rates for committing crime after a criminal's release are concerning at
such
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 high numbers,
although
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 unspecified.
This
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 writer firmly believes that the case resides in the contentment of
prison
Use synonyms
 life and the
society
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 as a whole of
prisoners
Use synonyms
, which can be resolved by improving facilities
as well as
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 providing
treatment
Use synonyms
 for those
people
Use synonyms
. It should be comprehended that no individual can possibly find
prison
Use synonyms
 a good place to stay in, let it be
due to
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 either deliberately committing a crime or not that has sent them there. To elaborate on
this
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, the experience as a whole is never pleasant, consisting of all the dull work, isolation from the outer world or even worse, being discriminated against and treated inhumanely by the guards
as well as
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prisoners
Use synonyms
. All of these are contributory factors leading to the sense of dehumanization that those
people
Use synonyms
 experience on a daily routine.
As a consequence
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, even if one was
initially
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 a well-behaved citizen individuals wouldn’t be able to maintain their sanity after
such
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treatment
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, creating a mentality of paying back to
society
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 for what they have gone through.
This
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 is truly a very concerning scenario, yet it is virtually possible to provide them with a more acceptable environment to live in to solve
this
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 issue. To articulate,
this
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 would mean better
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
facilities and being stricter on conflicts between individuals so as to lessen the strain on those with a good mindset for
society
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 and punish those with opposing attitudes. Theoretically, when receiving
such
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treatment
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, they wouldn’t be as pessimistic in life and have better perceptions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government and the world as a whole. As a precedent, a specific
prison
Use synonyms
 in Russia has implemented
this
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 notion and received reports sharing positive trends, all by changing the way they view
prisoners
Use synonyms
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
summation, the alarmingly high statistics for proportions of
people
Use synonyms
 who commit crimes after their release from
prison
Use synonyms
 are
due to
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 the dissatisfaction they have for the
prison
Use synonyms
, which is resolvable with a change in perception towards
prisoners
Use synonyms
 by bettering their lives there
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
This
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 writer firmly believes that the case resides in the contentment of
prison
Use synonyms
 life and the
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole of
prisoners
Use synonyms
, which can be resolved by improving facilities
as well as
Linking Words
 providing
treatment
Use synonyms
 for those
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. This will make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Providing more specific examples and statistics would strengthen your argument. For instance, detailing the specific changes in the Russian prison and their results could help.
task achievement
Minor grammatical errors can be corrected to improve clarity. For example, "let it be due to either deliberately committing a crime or not that has sent them there" could be simplified for better readability.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are logical and well-supported, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides relevant ideas on how to improve prison conditions to reduce recidivism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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