IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment and so should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #development #poverty #damage #environment
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In the modern world, the public has a brilliant opportunity to
work
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 remotely. Experts, businessmen and
people
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 seem to have been discussing
this
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 issue for a long time. Some will agree with the statement,
whereas
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 there are opponents of
this
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 view. In the end, I am going to give my own opinions on examples that I will be going to discuss. On the one hand, there are many advantages to having a distant
work
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. First of all, employees do not have to attend the
office
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 every day.
Instead
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, they can choose another area for
work
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, where an individual will feel more comfortable.
Moreover
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, changing workplaces has a good effect on mental health and efficiency.
Secondly
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, society has a chance to do the job and travel at the same time, exploring the world.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 working in the
office
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 cannot spend more time with their family or friends.
On the other hand
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, there are drawbacks to remote
work
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. Some
people
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 do not have self-discipline. It can lead to violation of the working schedule and because of that the public can have problems with health.
In addition
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, humans feel lonely without communication with colleagues. To my mind, thanks to the development of technology a number of
people
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 have been starting to
work
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 remotely. Nowadays,
office
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work
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 is outdated.
However
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, there are
office
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 jobs which always will be relevant. All things considered, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that today’s world is changing every day, which is why remote
work
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 become more popular, especially among young
people
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.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
While there is a structure to your essay, it could be made clearer by using more sophisticated paragraphing and topic sentences to outline your main points. The introduction should clearly outline the two sides of the argument and your essay should maintain a balance in discussing them before concluding with your opinion.
task achievement
You have not addressed the IELTS task adequately. The essay was meant to discuss the views on economic development as a cure for poverty versus its environmental consequences, but you have written about remote work instead. This indicates a misunderstanding of the topic. Make sure you read the task carefully and respond directly to what it asks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic development
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Living standards
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainable development
  • Ecological preservation
  • Overconsumption
  • Natural resources
  • Green innovations
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Clean energy
  • Global environmental challenges
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Subsidies
  • International cooperation
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