IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, a controversial action has arisen which is transforming from rural areas to
cities
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. In
this
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 report, I will go through the merits and demerits of
this
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 development, and
then
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 allow me to present my point of view. On the one hand,
this
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 change helps to increase countries' economies. For
further
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 explanation, many reports illustrate that after moving to
cities
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, companies discovered a
lot
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 of unique locals and hired them;
as a result
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, they
gaind
Correct your spelling
gained
gain
 a
lot
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 of profits.
Additionally
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, many governments ask citizens to live in
cities
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 so that they can use the green lands as public farms,
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
show examples
 attractions, and factories.
Moreover
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, many people admit that after living in
cities
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, they felt more comfortable, restful, and relaxed because they found better jobs
as well as
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 bigger houses to live in.
Also
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, many people share on social media that they prefer to live in
cities
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 because a variety of facilities are more advanced and available everywhere,
while
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 in rural areas it is extremely difficult to find suitable ones.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 transformation holds many issues. To illustrate that, many regions became crowded because of being attractive;
therefore
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, it becomes difficult to visit
such
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 beautiful places.
For example
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, in Riyadh, there are a
lot
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 of residents living there;
hence
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, it suffers from traffic and pollution, and the percentage of unemployed has dramatically increased even though there are a
lot
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 of companies there.
Besides
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 that, many farms became abandoned because tourists, locals, and businessmen prefer going to
cities
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.
In addition
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, living in
cities
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 is unhealthy because there are many factories that release carbon dioxide which is harmful and toxic, so living in rural areas is healthier, more beneficial, and easier. In conclusion,
although
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 there are minor benefits of living in
cities
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, there are a
lot
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 of disadvantages of
this
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 development.
However
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, I believe that it is a negative development.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and develops relevant arguments. However, to align with higher band scores, try providing more specific examples and elaboration in your arguments. For instance, specific outcomes of government policies in rural areas due to urban migration could be highlighted.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally flows well and ideas progress logically, ensure all points directly contribute to your main argument. A bit more focus on balancing each paragraph's length and detail will improve coherence. Ensure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is consistently linked back to the thesis.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, setting a strong framework for your essay. They serve the function of framing your argument well.
logical structure
Logical structure is present throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your train of thought. Paragraphs are organized and transitions between ideas are smooth.
supported main points
Your essay includes several layers of argumentation, covering both sides of the development. This balanced approach enhances the depth of your analysis.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Amenities
  • Economic prospects
  • Overcrowding
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Agricultural abandonment
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Family ties
  • Infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Rural revitalization
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