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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think maybe the reason for this? What effects might this have on society?

#countries #police #officers #service #reason #effects #society
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The prime responsibility behind maintaining a peaceful environment in our
nation
 is the
Police
 Force, and we have to salute them. Nowadays many nations have continuously decreased the strength of enthusiastic
police
 officers in active public service. The local governments fail to provide necessary requirement facilities for them on-duty time. For that reason, many students are unable to choose the join courses in public servant which will be elaborated on in the following paragraph.
In addition
, the local government does not create sufficient job vacancies in their
nation
 based on requirement quota is the first main reason and other hand
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
failure to preserve the current employees to provide them with necessary facilities is the main reason behind them,
then
 current employees are failing to do their duty honestly and maybe they exited to corrupting activities to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 his requirement.
Then
 the resulting effect is going on public security and there may be a chance of criminal activities in town and rural areas.
Moreover
, If Society
police
 are not active in their duty
then
 there may be a chance of increasing criminal activities and reducing Society safety.
Such
 types of effects will put to
nation
 in big dangerous condition and
finally
, it is become an unstable country.
for example
 few countries like Nigeria, Afghanistan, and recently Bangladesh.
To conclude
 the government has to take The prime responsibility for maintaining a peaceful environment in our
nation
 to take care of the
police
 army by increasing its strength to protect the Society against crime and increasing its safety.
Submitted by bhimani_nilesh3186 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next. Use transitional words to improve coherence.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the reasons you mentioned. For instance, explore the issue of lack of incentives for police officers.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
task achievement
You have addressed the issue well by presenting potential reasons and effects, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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