IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development
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Nowadays the government provides specialized apparatus to train talented sportsmen for great achievements in the field of sports in various regions.
However
, it is forgotten to supply facilities for other citizens. To my mind, both views are valid and the administration should keep a balance when it comes to play policy for the top athletes and for the public.
Besides
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss one
as well as
 the other the upsides and downsides of
this
 development. On the one hand, it is a positive development
due to
 the fact that specialized training furnishings can give an opportunity to train highly qualified sportsmen for the national competition team.
Furthermore
, joining major international sporting events provides a chance to bring honour and prestige to a winning country.
For instance
, from the reports of international media, we can see how residents of the victorious countries of the World Football Cup,
such
 as Brazil or Argentina enthusiastically celebrated their triumphs. Perhaps for them, no matter how much money they spend on training the national football team, it is worthwhile.
On the other hand
, others claim that
this
 is a negative advancement for most citizens. Building specialized apparatus for elite athletes means that funds are taken away from those planned for all populations. By way of illustration, in Taiwan, a significant amount of money is allocated for physical education programs which benefit all residents.
It is clear that
 doing sports can help people to keep healthy and
as a result
, reduce the general expenditure of national health care.
Therefore
, increasing public furniture for residents presents an effective approach to alleviating pressure on healthcare services. To put it in a nutshell, I firmly believe that standing steady and maintaining a balance between investing in specialized furnishings is a good choice for government to train professionals. Offering enough buildings, which serve as sports functions for the population, can be a successful way to grow new
top-athletes
Correct your spelling
top athletes
show examples
.
Submitted by Tlembekova09 on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. For example, you focus well on the benefits of specialized facilities but could elaborate more on the public facilities' importance.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your ideas are generally well connected, some transitions can be smoother.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, which help frame the argument effectively.
supported main points
The examples provided, such as the illustrations of Brazil, Argentina, and Taiwan, effectively support your main points and add depth to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
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