IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believ that they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #believ
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While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 take the view that experts like doctors and engineers must work in the
country
Use synonyms
 where they learned, others believe that they should go to the desired
countries
Use synonyms
 they want. In my opinion, it is better for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to work freely as they have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to manage their prospective careers. On one side of the argument, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who hold the opinion that making professionals stay in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
country
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 better outcomes. The most compelling reason for believing
this
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 is that knowledgeable and civilized
people
Use synonyms
 will increase in own motherland. When employees work for their own division, it will be helpful for local
people
Use synonyms
 by maintaining cultural barriers and language difficulties.
As a result
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, the
country
Use synonyms
 itself will be more developed and
society
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 enhance skilled workers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in some
countries
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, there are laws that profile
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 career and
pathway
Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
show examples
.
For instance
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,
countries
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likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 London and the US have rules and regulations for medical staff who have completed education in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 state
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 to join the government associations only. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that every person has the opportunity to make decisions for their jobs. Indeed, one reason why I take
this
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 position is that
this
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 is against the freedom of choice. Introducing obligations
skilled
Change preposition
to skilled
show examples
 workers to prevent them from going abroad is neither humane nor practical, declining in numbers of
people
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 who study in these fields.
Moreover
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, it is my opinion that immigrating from developing
countries
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 to first
paced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
countries
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 many families regarding their economic affairs.
Consequently
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,
this
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 would
instill
Change the spelling
instil
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 money in their
country
Use synonyms
, increasing governments’ remunerations, which the powers that be and
society
Use synonyms
 are both bound to yield them.
To sum up
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,
while
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 both views
are commonly hold
Change the verb form
are commonly held
show examples
 in
society
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, I believe that freedom of choice is a more important value for specialists.
This
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 is because the decision
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the person
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 on the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 or
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by laishweyee91 on

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task achievement
Develop your points further with clear and specific examples. While you briefly mention laws in countries like the US and the UK, providing more detailed and relevant examples can strengthen your argument. Consider specific cases or statistics to support your statements.
task achievement
Pay careful attention to grammar and syntax to ensure clarity. For instance, 'countries likes London and the US' should be 'countries like the UK and the US.' Also, 'instill money in their country' should be 'bring money into their country.' Small errors like these can detract from the overall readability and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay can benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. For instance, starting your paragraphs with phrases like 'On one side of the argument' or 'Despite the above arguments' helps, but ensure each sentence within the paragraphs clearly connects to the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You do a good job of presenting both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view. This is crucial for a discussion essay like this.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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