Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities other however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required .dissucs both these views and give your opinion
In recent years, it has become prevalent that citizens are more likely to do
exercises
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
people
believe that enhacing
the number of Correct your spelling
enhancing
sports
facilities
is beneficial to motivate people
to do sports
, while
some may argue that more methods should be implemented. I am going to discuss both these views and give my own thought
.
On the one hand, some Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
people
believe that more sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilities
should be built in order to encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
to do sports
. In their belief, if the govrnment
Correct your spelling
government
boost
the Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
infrustrations
of Correct your spelling
frustrations
in frustrations
sports
facilities
, citizens are
more accessible to the Wrong verb form
will be
facilities
, resulting in enhancing the frequencey
of Correct your spelling
frequency
doing
exercise. The more time Unnecessary verb
apply
people
go to sports
centres, the more exercise they will do.
On the other hand
, some people
argue that the effectiveness of raising the number of sports
facilities
is limilted
. Implementing more methods is more vital for Correct your spelling
limited
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
people
to do sporsts
. Correct your spelling
sports
For instance
, the government should launch more eductional
campaigns in order to educate Correct your spelling
educational
education
people
the
importance of doing Change preposition
about the
sports
, which can rasie
their awareness of doing Correct your spelling
raise
sport
.
In my opinion, in order to improve public health, we should not only put our focus on Fix the agreement mistake
sports
incresing
the number of Correct your spelling
increasing
sports
facilities
, we should also
raise the awareness of people
by educauton
. If Correct your spelling
education
people
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
the
Change preposition
of the
signifacance
of doing Correct your spelling
significance
sports
, they will do sports
in an active and regular way. Raising the motivation of doing
Change preposition
to do
sports
is the antidole
Correct your spelling
antidote
for
Change preposition
to
this
issue, which lead
to long-term Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
to
Change preposition
for
pulich
health.Correct your spelling
public
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and you have addressed both views, which is good. However, it could be improved by being more concise and directly stating your opinion toward the end of the introduction.
task achievement
The essay discusses both viewpoints, but the arguments could be more developed. For instance, providing more specific examples would strengthen your points, especially when discussing the educational campaigns.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow and understand. For instance, discuss the benefits of sports facilities and educational campaigns in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay could be linked more logically. Using cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' and 'However' where appropriate can help in making your essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well. Just remember to restate why you hold your opinion within the conclusion to give it a strong finish.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents both viewpoints, which provides a strong start.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion does a good job of summarizing the main points and reinforcing your opinion.
supported main points
You addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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