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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Describe a tourist attraction that very few people visit but you think is interesting. What/Where the place is? What people can see there? Why only very few people visit there? And explain why you think it is interesting?

#tourist #attraction #people #visit #place
I love to visit different tourist attractions during my vacation as it refreshes my mind and I get a break from the hectic schedule of my work. There are different tourist attractions in my city but the one I like the most is a butterfly
park
. It is in
Ludhiana
Correct article usage
the Ludhiana
show examples
 district of Punjab and it takes
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes of driving to get there. It is a beautiful
park
 and there are many flowers in the
park
. Those flowers attract the butterflies and it help butterflies to breed.
People
 can
also
 see the information on a board written about the
life-cycle
Correct your spelling
life cycle
show examples
 of the butterfly. The main attraction
people
 can see here is different species of butterflies and it is awesome. Though it is a very interesting
park
 to visit
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the number of tourists
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not that good. I feel
people
 are not much of the place because there are other renewed parks in Ludhiana and
people
 go there more. Authorities can pay for the advertisement of the
park
 to attract more tourists. It is a very interesting
park
 because it gives an opportunity to individuals to spend some time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, you could provide more descriptive details about the butterfly park. Explain what makes the various species of butterflies special, or include sensory details to make the description more vivid. This can help deepen the readers' understanding and appreciation of the place.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the significance of the butterfly park. This helps leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transitional words or phrases can help create a smoother flow and better connect your ideas, making your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
You answered all parts of the prompt, giving a general description, noting reasons for few visitors, and explaining why you find the park interesting. This thoroughness is essential for a good task response score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a personal touch by mentioning your love for visiting tourist attractions. It helps set the context and engages the reader from the beginning.
task achievement
Including specific features such as the information board about the butterfly life cycle adds a level of detail that makes the park more relatable to readers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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