IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #whilw #factors #money #appearance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether
success
Use synonyms
 comes from determination or other
factors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as financial
factors
Use synonyms
 or how
people
Use synonyms
 look has been a discussion point.
This
Linking Words
 writer argues that it is hard work that contributes to
success
Use synonyms
 , not other
factors
Use synonyms
. It must be understood that it is not easy to succeed. It is a long process with many hardships and failures. Without determination,
people
Use synonyms
 can not be able to reach their goals and succeed in their lives. take Thomas Edition as an example, he had failed his experiment over two thousand times before he could invent the light bulb, bringing humanity to the era of electrical light.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
factors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as money and appearance are the keys to
success
Use synonyms
. it is because in some jobs
such
Linking Words
 as singers and models, a good appearance is an essential factor to
success
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 may be true, but without determination, they will easily give up their job and will not be able to succeed in their profession.
For instance
Linking Words
, many singers give up their jobs because they cannot handle the stress and pressure because they are not hard-working enough to get over it. It is the writer's opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 should be more determined in other to succeed in their lives. When
people
Use synonyms
 are more hard-working, they will be more patient to reach their goals and will be more will not be affected by failures and be more optimistic.
For example
Linking Words
, students will not feel sad or depressed when they get a low score and will take that as a lesson to revise their notes more carefully next time. In conclusion, hard work is the key to
success
Use synonyms
. It helps
people
Use synonyms
 have a more positive attitude to failures and hardships, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they will try better next time.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on how financial factors and appearance also contribute to success, providing more balanced examples and analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the variety and accuracy of your linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your text to correct grammatical errors and typographical mistakes for clearer expression.
overall language use
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your ideas and opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Determinism
  • Innate talent
  • Financial resources
  • Opportunities
  • Networking
  • Aesthetic appeal
  • Meritocracy
  • Social capital
  • Resilience
  • Entrepreneurial spirit
  • Luck
  • Ambition
  • Sustainable success
  • Holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: