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Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

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sugary and aerated
drinks
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 are gaining more popularity in today's world. The primary reason contributing to
this
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 phenomenon is because of its addictive taste and another reason is lack of health awareness, both of which will be discussed in the following passages
along with
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 its remedies.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that we humans always lean towards food that tastes sweet and delicious.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that sweet edibles are addictive in nature. Especially canned
drinks
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such
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 as Coke, Pepsi and other so-called energy
drinks
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 are in sugar content.
Secondly
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, for the longest time, we are made to believe that these
drinks
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 are healthy, particularly the energy boosters. They are in fact no different from other soft
drinks
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. They cause irreparable tooth damage and severe cardiovascular diseases. These companies have deliberately been misleading the public to consume more
drinks
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 in order to gain profits. Their marketing strategies are the main reason people end up buying more
drinks
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. To overcome
this
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 issue, every individual must educate one's self of what they are ingesting.
For example
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, they need to read the nutritional value and ingredients that are mentioned in the package. Another solution to
this
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 problem is to have self-control. It is up to oneself to not pick up unhealthy, overly sweet products.
Instead
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, humans can opt to consume more natural products
such
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 as water, coconut water or fresh juices. To put it in a nutshell, it is up to us to take responsibility for our health. Brands will continue to promote these bottles but, we should take a strong stand and avoid drinking toxic
drinks
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 and take more of healthy
drinks
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While the reasons and solutions are addressed, more specific examples related to the reasons and solutions could help in providing a comprehensive task response.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on each main point with specific examples or data to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more complex sentence structures and using a broader range of vocabulary to further enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and addresses the reasons and solutions to the problem of increasing consumption of sugar-based drinks.
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