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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #yo
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Technology
Use synonyms
 is flourishing in leaps and bounds in every field and
therefore
Linking Words
, there has been a constant decline in manpower. It is an undeniable fact that robots are replacing humans. I will discuss the effect of the aforementioned statement and conclude my opinion in the following passages. To embark on, I believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 runs today's World irrespective of the nature of the job. Right from IT sectors, Automotive companies, Hospitals, Governments, etc, all rely on modern
technology
Use synonyms
 and other automatic systems.
For example
Linking Words
, Studies shown by Hyundai in 2022 depicted that they were able to assemble 3000 cars in 30 days because of robotic assemblers which would have taken at least 3 months if done by humans.
Also
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, the Indian Government is transitioning into a digital nation where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all documents are available online and with one click away. Anything can be applied online,
for instance
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,
last
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 week
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 applied for my license through an online portal and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was able to get them within 2 days which would have not been possible if the internet did not exist.
However
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,
on the contrary
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, it is
also
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 a hindrance for many because
,
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apply
show examples
 job opportunities are on the verge of decline. Every year more and more individuals are losing their livelihood since their jobs are seized by electronic devices. Their financial stability is jeopardized. To exemplify, a survey done by Job's website shows that 72% of people in China are replaced by computers and other robotic devices and they are faced with unemployment. All in all, the reality of today's world is that we all are dependent on
technology
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as phones, laptops, etc..It is an inevitable part of our life and there are no two ways about it.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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Task Achievement
Try to avoid repetitive phrases in your introduction, such as 'aforementioned statement.' This can make your writing sound redundant. Consider a more streamlined introduction that clearly states your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the consistency of your tenses. For example, 'last week i applied' should be 'last week I applied.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Also, use varied sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Currently, some sentences are too long and could be broken down for better readability.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on the role of technology in reducing manual labor.
Task Achievement
The essay uses specific and relevant examples to support the main points, making the argument more persuasive and well-rounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure is maintained with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each cover an aspect of the argument, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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