Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#education #schools #students #money

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Nowadays, economic education has been a major issue in many parts of the world. Some believe the

school

should make a mandatory financial subject,

while

others would argue that financial study does not need to be included as a compulsory subject.

However

, I agree with the former view that the

school

must teach financial subjects for student's future.

To begin

with, money is an indispensable part of life,

such

as saving money,

rents

Fix the agreement mistake

rent

show examples

and living costs. It is an undeniable fact that the

school

is not the place that only teaches academic materials,

such

as mathematics and languages and they should provide a variety of essential lessons for their future.

For instance

, many parents want schools to educate about the diverse money problems that students might experience in some future

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

For

this

reason, the

school

is the first facility where children can acquire knowledge of

economy

Add an article

the economy

show examples

Therefore

, the

school

should have a crucial responsibility, and they have to make the mandatory financial materials.

Furthermore

, if students cannot be educated economy, they would

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

easily

several

Add a missing verb

have several

show examples

financial problems.

In these

Change preposition

These

show examples

days, a significant number of

people

use credit cards because it is a convenient way to pay.

However

, they are suffering from debt problems as well.

According to

recent research, in South Korea, young

people

are confused about how to manage their

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

after

graduated

Wrong verb form

graduating

show examples

from secondary

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

, because students do not learn financial education at

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

. In short, if the

school

provide

Change preposition

apply

show examples

financial subjects as a mandatory curriculum, it would be one of the efficient ways to acquire and practice economic situations for young

people

. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue.

However

, I believe that teaching economic education as a compulsory material at

school

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

should be the best learning

systems

Fix the agreement mistake

system

show examples

that young

people

can avoid financial

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

for a long period.

Submitted by kimjy3329 on Fri May 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and making clear, comprehensive points about the necessity of financial education in schools. However, you should try to make your thesis statement clearer. For instance, 'I agree with the former view that the school must teach financial subjects for student's future' could be rephrased for clarity and impact.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, pay attention to ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. For instance, use more linking words and phrases (e.g., ‘Moreover,’ ‘In addition,’) to guide the reader through your arguments.

task achievement

While your points are well-supported, you could benefit from using more varied examples. Instead of relying largely on general statements and a single piece of research, try to incorporate different contexts or perspectives to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

You provide logical reasons and clear examples that support your argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses the question comprehensively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments and understand your points.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are well-supported and you provide context and justification for your views, which shows depth in your writing.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial literacy
Mandatory
Budgeting
Economic stability
Fiscal health
Credit
Interest rates
Investments
Curriculum
Informed decisions
Personal debt
Savings
Taxes
Expenditures
Fiscal responsibility
Money management
Financial planning
Economic education
Financial competence

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Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Cramming and immersion are becomingly increasingly recognised methods of gaining knowledge in an area, other people disagree and say that only through lifelong learning can a subject be learnt. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statment

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings.

Nuclear technology not only offers a lot of advantages but also threatens the world with its danger. The use of this technology should be discouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?