Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, economic education has been a major issue in many parts of the world. Some believe the
school
should make a mandatory financial subject, Use synonyms
while
others would argue that financial study does not need to be included as a compulsory subject. Linking Words
However
, I agree with the former view that the Linking Words
school
must teach financial subjects for student's future.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, money is an indispensable part of life, Linking Words
such
as saving money, Linking Words
rents
and living costs. It is an undeniable fact that the Fix the agreement mistake
rent
school
is not the place that only teaches academic materials, Use synonyms
such
as mathematics and languages and they should provide a variety of essential lessons for their future. Linking Words
For instance
, many parents want schools to educate about the diverse money problems that students might experience in some future Linking Words
case
. Fix the agreement mistake
cases
For
Linking Words
this
reason, the Linking Words
school
is the first facility where children can acquire knowledge of Use synonyms
economy
. Add an article
the economy
Therefore
, the Linking Words
school
should have a crucial responsibility, and they have to make the mandatory financial materials.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, if students cannot be educated economy, they would Linking Words
get
easily Verb problem
apply
several
financial problems. Add a missing verb
have several
In these
days, a significant number of Change preposition
These
people
use credit cards because it is a convenient way to pay. Use synonyms
However
, they are suffering from debt problems as well. Linking Words
According to
recent research, in South Korea, young Linking Words
people
are confused about how to manage their Use synonyms
finance
after Fix the agreement mistake
finances
graduated
from secondary Wrong verb form
graduating
schools
, because students do not learn financial education at Fix the agreement mistake
school
schools
. In short, if the Fix the agreement mistake
school
school
provide Use synonyms
to
financial subjects as a mandatory curriculum, it would be one of the efficient ways to acquire and practice economic situations for young Change preposition
apply
people
.
In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue. Use synonyms
However
, I believe that teaching economic education as a compulsory material at Linking Words
school
, Use synonyms
it
should be the best learning Correct pronoun usage
apply
systems
that young Fix the agreement mistake
system
people
can avoid financial Use synonyms
issue
for a long period.Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and making clear, comprehensive points about the necessity of financial education in schools. However, you should try to make your thesis statement clearer. For instance, 'I agree with the former view that the school must teach financial subjects for student's future' could be rephrased for clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, pay attention to ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. For instance, use more linking words and phrases (e.g., ‘Moreover,’ ‘In addition,’) to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
While your points are well-supported, you could benefit from using more varied examples. Instead of relying largely on general statements and a single piece of research, try to incorporate different contexts or perspectives to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provide logical reasons and clear examples that support your argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses the question comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments and understand your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and you provide context and justification for your views, which shows depth in your writing.