IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #shootings #becausee #people #guns #home
It is thought by some
people
 that the rise of gun possession by the public has led to numerous shootings in society. I slightly agree with
this
 matter and the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that the number of shootings in our communities has increased over the past years. In the first place,
guns
 are now available and sold on many platforms on the Internet,
for example
, Shopee, Lazada, Amazon, etc.
People
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a wide range of ages can get access to and
then
 buy these harmful weapons easily.
Moreover
, gun possession licenses are not necessary when buyers purchase
guns
 online
due to
 the ignorance of sellers as they tend to sell their products only.
Additionally
, there are a lot of enthralling action movies that use these harmful weapons all the time.
Therefore
,
people
 who often watch
this
 kind of film can be influenced, encouraged and engaged to use the
guns
.
Furthermore
, some
people
 perceive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action movies as an inspiration and want to try several actions.
For example
, in John Wick, protagonists use
guns
 to solve all the problems
instead
 of using socialising skills.
Hence
, when watchers encounter some problems
such
 as a conflict with a neighbour, they might get the
guns
 in order to solve problems.
Overall
, it is a fact that the number of shootings is escalating because of the possession of
guns
 in society. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint as there are a lot of influences that can affect our communities and help them to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these harmful weapons.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
In the introduction, use a more definite stance on the topic. Instead of 'I slightly agree,' specify the extent more clearly to make your position evident from the start.
task achievement
Some points can be more elaborated, such as explaining the impact of gun availability on different segments of society (e.g., youth, mental health issues).
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents one clear main idea with supporting details to avoid overloading a single paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Try to rephrase certain sentences to enhance clarity and reduce repetition.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-structured introduction, body, and conclusion.
supported main points
Your main points are identifiable, and you have provided relevant examples to support your arguments.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical flow, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shootings
  • guns
  • increase
  • home
  • accidental
  • domestic violence
  • easy access
  • impulsive
  • violence
  • gun control laws
  • gun violence
  • ownership
  • regulated
  • misuse
  • public safety
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