13/05 Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that some people believe that to prevent illness and disease, governments should prioritize reducing environmental
pollution
and addressing housing issues. I consider myself as
an advocate of Change preposition
apply
this
idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, environmental pollution
, particularly air and water pollution
, has a direct and significant impact on public health
. To be more specific, air pollution
, caused by industrial emissions, vehicular exhaust, and other pollutants, is linked to respiratory diseases, cardiovascular conditions, and even cancer. Reducing pollution
can lead to a decrease in these health
issues, thereby improving the overall
quality of life.
Moreover
, adequate housing is fundamental to good health
. Buildings are dilapidated or slum areas which have understandard
sewage systems and inadequate ventilation exposure to environmental hazards like Correct your spelling
under standard
mold
, contributing to a wide range of Change the spelling
mould
health
problems, including infectious diseases and chronic illnesses. For example
, in slum areas of Ho Chi Minh City, many families live in cramped, poorly ventilated apartments or houses. Multiple generations often share small living spaces, making it impossible to maintain social distancing. This
close proximity facilitates the rapid spread of COVID-19 among residents.
In conclusion, by focusing on these areas, the government aims to create healthier living environments, thereby reducing diseases and improving public health
conditions.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and your position is clear. However, to fully achieve a higher score, make sure to develop each point more comprehensively. Include more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents main points with supporting details. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, bolstering the logical flow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Incorporate a greater range of specific examples and evidence to further substantiate your arguments. This would enhance the overall depth and clarity of your response, making your essay more persuasive and compelling.
task response
You have a clear and well-stated position, which you maintain throughout the essay. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and they effectively frame your argument. This adds coherence to your essay.
relevant specific examples
Your use of specific examples, such as the mention of Ho Chi Minh City’s housing issues, helps to illustrate your point effectively. This is a significant strength in your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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