13/05 Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution

There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that some people believe that to prevent illness and disease, governments should prioritize reducing environmental

pollution

and addressing housing issues. I consider myself

Change preposition

apply

show examples

an advocate of

this

idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, environmental

pollution

, particularly air and water

pollution

, has a direct and significant impact on public

health

. To be more specific, air

pollution

, caused by industrial emissions, vehicular exhaust, and other pollutants, is linked to respiratory diseases, cardiovascular conditions, and even cancer. Reducing

pollution

can lead to a decrease in these

health

issues, thereby improving the

overall

quality of life.

Moreover

, adequate housing is fundamental to good

health

. Buildings are dilapidated or slum areas which have

understandard

Correct your spelling

under standard

sewage systems and inadequate ventilation exposure to environmental hazards like

mold

Change the spelling

mould

show examples

, contributing to a wide range of

health

problems, including infectious diseases and chronic illnesses.

For example

, in slum areas of Ho Chi Minh City, many families live in cramped, poorly ventilated apartments or houses. Multiple generations often share small living spaces, making it impossible to maintain social distancing.

This

close proximity facilitates the rapid spread of COVID-19 among residents. In conclusion, by focusing on these areas, the government aims to create healthier living environments, thereby reducing diseases and improving public

health

conditions.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Sat May 18 2024

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task response

Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and your position is clear. However, to fully achieve a higher score, make sure to develop each point more comprehensively. Include more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to strengthen your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a logical structure and presents main points with supporting details. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, bolstering the logical flow.

clear comprehensive ideas

Incorporate a greater range of specific examples and evidence to further substantiate your arguments. This would enhance the overall depth and clarity of your response, making your essay more persuasive and compelling.

task response

You have a clear and well-stated position, which you maintain throughout the essay. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, and they effectively frame your argument. This adds coherence to your essay.

relevant specific examples

Your use of specific examples, such as the mention of Ho Chi Minh City’s housing issues, helps to illustrate your point effectively. This is a significant strength in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

215 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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13/05 Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some children spend hours every day on the smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

Many studies show that poor people are more likely to be involved in petty and serious crimes than people who come from higher-income groups. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to get a university education in many countries. Some people believe that universities and authorities should help them so that they can get a university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?