IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that mental strength is more important for success in sports some people believe that physical health is more important discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #strength #success #sports #health
When comes to the question of whether mental
health
 or physical fitness plays a more significant role in a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 player's success, different people hold different views. I personally think that both are indispensable elements affecting athletes to accomplish their goals. Mental
strength
 is essential for focus and perseverance, especially in high-pressure situations. Facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plenty of competitive opponents, only the ones with strong mental resilience can stand out because they can keep a clear mind, focus on the games and motivate themselves
thus
 performing at or even beyond their daily training level.
In addition
, with excellent mental
health
,
sports
plays
Correct your spelling
players
show examples
 are more capable
to deal
Change preposition
of dealing
show examples
 with pressure,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
show examples
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 a positive attitude.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 with people who are
ofen
Correct your spelling
often
 vulnerable inside, strong-minded people are more likely to gain confidence, get ready for challenges and even acquire better
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 quality, these are all vital conditions
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success in
sports
.
Although
 mental
strength
 is undoubtedly important, it doesn't mean physical
health
 can be ignored. Physical
health
 is fundamental for
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 in competitions as it directly affects an athlete's energy, speed,
strength
 and
overall
 fitness levels.
For example
, a football game competes not only the strategy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but more of the players' speed and
stayong
Correct your spelling
staying
 power. Another example is weight-lifting, without a healthy and strong
body
, no one could conquer the battle.
Moreover
,
sports
 are activities that players may easily get exhausted, hurt or even injured, physical
health
 is necessary for the
body
's recovery process, ensuring that athletes can train and compete without long-term detrimental impacts. Mental
strength
 prepares a strong mind for handling stress and
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 concentration,
while
hysical
Correct your spelling
physical
health
 provides a
body
 in shape for performing
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 best level.
Therefore
, both are vital to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success in
sports
 by enabling the
body
 and mind
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 together harmoniously.
Submitted by carriexue23 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and includes a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the argument could be presented more logically with clear paragraphs dedicated to each side. Currently, the ideas could be more neatly organized to enhance readability.
task achievement
There are some minor grammatical issues and typos, such as 'When comes to' (should be 'When it comes to'), 'facing with' (should be 'facing'), and 'perfomance' (should be 'performance'). Improving these will help in presenting your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both views on the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of both mental strength and physical health in sports.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow of ideas. It begins with an introduction, follows with discussions on each aspect, and concludes with a summary of points and personal opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mental resilience
  • perseverance
  • focus
  • stamina
  • strength
  • strategic thinking
  • adaptability
  • stress management
  • anxiety
  • positive attitude
  • injury prevention
  • muscle development
  • recovery process
  • physical conditioning
  • optimal performance
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