IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and mobile phone calls at any time for 7 days a week. Is this development more positive or negative?

#anybody #phone #work #time #week #development
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It is widely argued that the availability of cell
phones
 could enable
people
 to make phone calls and address work at any time. The writer of
this
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and the demerits of
this
 tendency before concluding that
this
 is an encouraging development. On the
one
 hand, the growing popularity of mobile
phones
 could be fraught with pitfalls to some extent.
One
 serious repercussion is that it is
one
 of the main factors causing traffic accidents. Taking a prime example, the technology motorbike taxi in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, has a tendency to transport citizens and goods throughout the area with the support of mobile tracking applications.
This
 tendency could lead to the distraction of the drivers and,
therefore
, increase the risk of road collisions.
Moreover
, the ubiquity of cell
phones
 could interrupt
people
's work by making unplanned calls. Unsolicited telemarketing calls,
for instance
, could interrupt their thoughts and sometimes annoy the telephone receivers.
Consequently
,
this
 acts as a precursor to lower productivity at work.
On the other hand
, there are a myriad of compelling reasons why I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in comparison with the profound benefits yielded by the omnipresence of mobile
phones
.
One
 key rationale in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 view is the safety it provides for users in
this
 day and age. To simplify, the accessibility and possession of smartphones by all individuals allow them to contact and trace the location effortlessly in advance, especially in case of emergency. Another justification is that
this
 could be a useful device to connect
people
 together, irrespective of geographical boundaries.
In other words
, some of the online applications provided on mobile
phones
, namely Facebook and Instagram, let
people
 of all ages engage in conversations with foreigners in the comfort of their own homes.
This
 positive trend helps them to have a deep understanding of
one’s
Change noun form
their
show examples
 traditional customs and indigenous practices easily. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that the way
people
 have mobile
phones
 at their disposal could be harmful, I do believe that the upside of
this
 phenomenon is more noteworthy than its downside.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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lexical resource
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and compelling. This will help demonstrate your linguistic proficiency effectively.
task achievement
Ensure you address the possible negative impacts of the topic in more detail, providing specific examples to support your points further.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, work on making transitions between ideas slightly smoother to improve the flow of your writing.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your arguments.
supporting main points
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, which enhances the overall persuasiveness of your ideas.
complete response
You have addressed the prompt comprehensively and considered both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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