The health benefits of physical exercise are well-known. Despites this, a lot of people do not exrcise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise more often?
In order to stay healthy,
exercise
regularly is a must. However
, a majority of the population nowadays spend
less Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
time
on physical activities. In this
essay, I will discuss the causes of why people
don’t do physical exercise
and how to alleviate that.
There are several reasons that people
often do not put exercise
as their priority. Firstly
, people
, especially unskilled workers
like security guards and customer service agents, have long working hours
. In Hong Kong, for example
, these workers
need to work at least 12 hours
a day six days a week. Therefore
, after a long week, what they want to do is get rested, but not working out. Besides
, people
are too focused on making profits. Some think that one's standard of life can be improved only by making money. Indeed, some might have a full-time
job during the daytime and have a part-time
job, such
as Uber driver and Food delivery, at night. As a result
, there is no time
for physical training again. Although
money is important, in my opinion, without a healthy body, money is nothing.
In order to tackle this
problem, there are a few things that companies and governments can do. First of all, the government should make policies to regulate labourers' working hours
. Recently, the Singapore government has proposed a four-day working week to ensure their citizens can be work-life balanced. There are similar regulations have been enforced in some European countries a long time
ago. This
way even unskilled labourers can have time
for rest and leisure.
Moreover
, it is important for companies to value their employees' health because businesses can grow only if they have healthy workers
working for them. Therefore
, employees should encourage their workers
to do more physical activities. They may do that by providing a gym area for their employees and giving them workout time
, perhaps 30 minutes, throughout the long working day. Then
, everyone will have time
to exercise
without sacrificing their valuable hours
after a tiring day; thus
, research shows that one's productivity can be increased after working out.
In conclusion, people
put their health at risk because working occupies their life. In order to solve this
problem, governments and companies should cooperate to create more time
, whereas
the governments regulate and reduce long working hours
and businesses provide time
and space for their staff to exercise
at work.Submitted by puimei822 on
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grammar
Your essay addresses the prompt well by discussing both the reasons why people do not exercise and potential solutions for encouraging more physical activity. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that interrupt the flow of your ideas. For example, 'exercise regularly is a must' should be 'exercising regularly is a must.'
structuring
To enhance coherence, clearly separate your ideas into paragraphs with better transitions. For instance, instead of using 'firstly' and 'besides' in the same paragraph, start a new paragraph for each point. This will also improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
examples evidence
While your essay includes relevant examples and solutions, providing data or referencing well-known studies could strengthen your argument. For example, 'Research shows that one's productivity can be increased after working out' could be expanded with specific study results.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both parts of the essay prompt: the reasons people do not exercise and potential solutions.
structuring
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a coherent start and end to your essay.
examples evidence
You have included relevant examples such as the working conditions in Hong Kong and proposed solutions like the Singapore government's four-day working week, which make your arguments more compelling.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example