The health benefits of physical exercise are well-known. Despites this, a lot of people do not exrcise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise more often?
In order to stay healthy,
exercise
regularly is a must. Use synonyms
However
, a majority of the population nowadays Linking Words
spend
less Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
time
on physical activities. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will discuss the causes of why Linking Words
people
don’t do physical Use synonyms
exercise
and how to alleviate that.
There are several reasons that Use synonyms
people
often do not put Use synonyms
exercise
as their priority. Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
people
, especially unskilled Use synonyms
workers
like security guards and customer service agents, have long working Use synonyms
hours
. In Hong Kong, Use synonyms
for example
, these Linking Words
workers
need to work at least 12 Use synonyms
hours
a day six days a week. Use synonyms
Therefore
, after a long week, what they want to do is get rested, but not working out. Linking Words
Besides
, Linking Words
people
are too focused on making profits. Some think that one's standard of life can be improved only by making money. Indeed, some might have a full-Use synonyms
time
job during the daytime and have a part-Use synonyms
time
job, Use synonyms
such
as Uber driver and Food delivery, at night. Linking Words
As a result
, there is no Linking Words
time
for physical training again. Use synonyms
Although
money is important, in my opinion, without a healthy body, money is nothing.
In order to tackle Linking Words
this
problem, there are a few things that companies and governments can do. First of all, the government should make policies to regulate labourers' working Linking Words
hours
. Recently, the Singapore government has proposed a four-day working week to ensure their citizens can be work-life balanced. There are similar regulations have been enforced in some European countries a long Use synonyms
time
ago. Use synonyms
This
way even unskilled labourers can have Linking Words
time
for rest and leisure.
Use synonyms
Moreover
, it is important for companies to value their employees' health because businesses can grow only if they have healthy Linking Words
workers
working for them. Use synonyms
Therefore
, employees should encourage their Linking Words
workers
to do more physical activities. They may do that by providing a gym area for their employees and giving them workout Use synonyms
time
, perhaps 30 minutes, throughout the long working day. Use synonyms
Then
, everyone will have Linking Words
time
to Use synonyms
exercise
without sacrificing their valuable Use synonyms
hours
after a tiring day; Use synonyms
thus
, research shows that one's productivity can be increased after working out.
In conclusion, Linking Words
people
put their health at risk because working occupies their life. In order to solve Use synonyms
this
problem, governments and companies should cooperate to create more Linking Words
time
, Use synonyms
whereas
the governments regulate and reduce long working Linking Words
hours
and businesses provide Use synonyms
time
and space for their staff to Use synonyms
exercise
at work.Use synonyms
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grammar
Your essay addresses the prompt well by discussing both the reasons why people do not exercise and potential solutions for encouraging more physical activity. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that interrupt the flow of your ideas. For example, 'exercise regularly is a must' should be 'exercising regularly is a must.'
structuring
To enhance coherence, clearly separate your ideas into paragraphs with better transitions. For instance, instead of using 'firstly' and 'besides' in the same paragraph, start a new paragraph for each point. This will also improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
examples evidence
While your essay includes relevant examples and solutions, providing data or referencing well-known studies could strengthen your argument. For example, 'Research shows that one's productivity can be increased after working out' could be expanded with specific study results.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both parts of the essay prompt: the reasons people do not exercise and potential solutions.
structuring
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a coherent start and end to your essay.
examples evidence
You have included relevant examples such as the working conditions in Hong Kong and proposed solutions like the Singapore government's four-day working week, which make your arguments more compelling.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example