IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Topic: Global warming is a big problem the world has faced today. What causes this problem and what are the solutions.

#topic #world
It is true that global warming is one of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
 challenges
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world. There are a variety of possible reasons for
this
, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem. In my opinion, 8 main factors are the blame for increasing the trend of global warming.
Firstly
, the more rubbish which people produce, the more bad effects will appear about it.
In other words
,
according to
 one of the ABC articles, global warming is strictly related to
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
trashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
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.
Secondly
, as a matter of
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 fishing is extremely plethora, so there is no doubt that it will influence the global universe, too.
Finally
,
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of industrial companies
are being
Wrong verb form
has been
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 rising these years. I believe that for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better efficiency and productivity
each
Change preposition
in each
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 factory, some special equipment can be established to avert the growth of
rubbishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
rubbish
show examples
.
For instance
, approximately 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of Japanese companies are equipped
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
purify
Replace the word
purification
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 systems which contain some options to reduce both
fragrance
Correct article usage
the fragrance
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 and bacteria of trash.
Moreover
, they claim that
this
 special system has a good effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 tackling
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global warming, too.
Also
, individuals can be taught not to eat
seafoods
Change the wording
seafood
kinds of seafood
plates of seafood
show examples
 a lot, because it is a win-win situation for both people and
universe
Correct article usage
the universe
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. At least,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should not associate with miscellaneous companies.
According to
 my perceptions, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies want to get rid
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
 enhancing global warming, the trend of manufacturing of factories should be reduced.
To conclude
, global warming will rise unless
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 make new equipment to outcome it and people stop eating a lot of seafood.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use transition words to improve coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas more thoroughly. Elaborate on each cause and solution with more specific examples and details to better support your main points.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they can be made stronger. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes your key arguments.
task achievement
Avoid mentioning an arbitrary number like '8 main factors' if you don't intend to list them all. Ensure your points are clear and comprehensive. Stay consistent in your claims.
task achievement
You’ve identified causes and solutions to global warming, touching key areas. The use of real-world examples, like Japanese companies using purification systems, supports your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents an introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your discussion on global warming.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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