In many countires women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and, therefore, do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
current world, some people tend to believe that financial freedom makes ladies choose not to get married,
while
Linking Words
others think
otherwise
Linking Words
. From my perspective, there are truths for both views. The following paragraphs will clarify my stance.
Firstly
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, career women who get good salaries will have the power to fulfil their needs. With these big earnings, they will easily buy everything they want and need. They can afford a house, a car, fashion, jewellery, and so on.
For instance
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, my boss has achieved her life goals. She has everything that every girl wishes for. She is sure that she will stand on her own two feet for the rest of her life, just like she has done.
This
Linking Words
feeling makes her assume that she does not need anyone else to support her existence.
Therefore
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, espousal will not be interesting enough for individuals like her, since they do not have the urge to have a husband who will provide for their needs.
Secondly
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,
however
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, the financial aspect is not the only consideration when someone decides whether she will tie the knot or not.
This
Linking Words
decision can
also
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be made based on their love story, their readiness to build a family, their vision for a wedding, their agreement about life after marriage, or their family's acceptance.
For example
Linking Words
, my colleague, a beautifully mature young lady, has reached her dreams in her early thirties. She is well educated, holds a PhD title, and has a high position in office that allows her to gain a substantial income. Lately, she told the community that she would be married to a man in a lower position, with a lower income, too. She recalled the decision and said that the reasons were that she fell in love with him and that she wanted to be his wife and his future children's mother.
Thus
Linking Words
, money is not the only reason why men and women marry. On balance, since financial freedom and other reasons are used to consider the coupling decision, it is of great difficulty to draw conclusions on whether I agree or disagree.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

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task achievement
Introduce your thesis statement more clearly to guide the reader on your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your conclusions further to give a solid closure to your argument, reinforcing your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your linking words and phrases to show a wider range of connections between ideas.
task achievement
Maintain a clear focus on answering the prompt directly throughout your essay to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Effective use of examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure and organization of paragraphs.
task achievement
Balanced consideration of both perspectives before giving your own view.
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