IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that animals must be used for conducting laboratory tests, while other people think that animals are innocent creatures and we must not exploit them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #laboratory #tests #creatures
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People are calling into question the usage of
animals
Use synonyms
 for laboratory tests.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that it is logical to examine creatures for scientific discoveries, others assert that the
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
show examples
 rights should be considered to protect them in these cases. Both sides provide rational justifications that will be elaborated. The supporters of using
animals
Use synonyms
 for laboratory tests advocate the idea that it is required to have a playground-like approach for analyzing the effect of different medicines on a creature rather than a human. Simply put, having similar organs and body parts, an animal is an appropriate candidate to simulate a human's body reaction against chemical substances. A salient example is that all versions of COVID-19 vaccines were tested on rats and
hamesters
Correct your spelling
hamsters
 to ensure
safety
Correct pronoun usage
their safety
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of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for humans.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the expense of using
animals
Use synonyms
 is not comparable to the whole process of discovery as they are produced and grown in special conditions. Others,
however
Linking Words
, put forward the idea that creatures have similar rights to live and enjoy as human beings.
In other words
Linking Words
, not only do they believe
animals
Use synonyms
 have physical characteristics like making
sound
Fix the agreement mistake
sounds
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, moving, and feeding, but
also
Linking Words
 they support their feelings and emotions
represent
Wrong verb form
represented
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 in various occasions. A good illustration is that dogs tend to cry in different situations when they feel delighted or lose their owners
as a result
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 of passing away or abandoning them.
Moreover
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, all types of
animals
Use synonyms
 should be protected to prevent any extinction for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations. By way of conclusion, considering the points discussed above, both sides of the argument present rational reasons. I am,
however
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, of the opinion that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be used for different examinations
due to
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 the fact that they have feelings and emotions and need to protect their rights for living.
Submitted by tahani.nr on

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to address both views in more balanced detail. For instance, you could elaborate a bit more on why some people support the usage of animals in laboratory tests, not just giving one example but also discussing broader implications and ethical considerations.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay flows well, but you could enhance it further by using a greater variety of transition words and phrases to link ideas more fluidly between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the issue and outlines both sides of the argument, setting up a clear discussion structure.
relevant specific examples
You provided a relevant and specific example about the COVID-19 vaccines, which strengthens your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and clearly states your own opinion, providing a strong closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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