Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As far as has been asked
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
have to have more responsibilities or being free I`m going to explain
aboth
Correct your spelling
both
both of
this
view and get my own opinion. Giving
childs
Correct your spelling
children
more
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
in school or after school, can make them
exuasted
Correct your spelling
exhausted
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
they may
can`t
Verb problem
not be able to
show examples
do their own homework yet.
evendough
Correct your spelling
However
, the children in primary school are so preaper for learning,because of their age situation and not having lots
responsibilities
Change preposition
of responsibilities
show examples
, but getting them so busy could
be damaged
Wrong verb form
damage
show examples
their ability
for reading
Change preposition
to read
show examples
their lessons.
This
view is better to let them be free, I think we can teach them how to be responsible with only a pet it`s much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better
However
, the child must use their childhood to
enjoye
Correct your spelling
enjoy
their life and
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
relax. In
this
way when they grow and
gwt
Correct your spelling
grow
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult can focus on their business ,
in addition
, if we don`t let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be free can
enjored
Correct your spelling
engage
them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their future life. So in
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
I have to say that, I don`t agree with getting busy the
baby
Change noun form
baby's
show examples
mind with our responsibilities and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
them
this
permission to have a
realy
Correct your spelling
really
clear childhood to be a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
person when they grow up.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Start with an introduction that presents both views, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on each view separately. Conclude with your own opinion.
task achievement
You have some good ideas, but they need to be more clearly explained. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
task achievement
You have expressed your opinion, which is an important part of the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, which shows that you understand the prompt and are attempting to cover it comprehensively.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant, showing that you are aware of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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