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Band 7.5

Many feel that the common educational system of teachers and students in a classroom will be replaced by the year 2050. Do you agree with this view? Give your opinion.

#system #teachers #students #classroom #year
The conventional method involving teachers and
students
 is a ubiquitous form of teaching across the globe.
While
 some people believe that school training is an essential way to educate
children
, the majority are of the opinion
this
 system will be substituted by modern approaches
such
 as online schooling in the forthcoming years.In my opinion, both these systems will prevail irrespective of the fast-moving technological advancements. Classroom learning which involves the physical presence of teachers and
students
 has become an integral part of our society since the 19th century.
This
 method helps
students
 to get attentive training because teachers can watch over their pupils and can give them proper guidance to overcome their weaknesses.
In addition
, in-school training allows
students
 to interact with other kids of the same age which results in the
overall
 development of a person mentally and socially.
For example
, a survey conducted in Europe says that 90% of the
students
 who attended the school exhibited great interpersonal skills when compared to others who did not.
Therefore
, the conventional method of sending
children
 to school is crucial in the growing phase of a child.
On the contrary
, online schooling is becoming increasingly popular in certain parts of the world.
This
 is because parents believe that
children
 can be educated through various means of training which is now immensely available in the online world.
Furthermore
, parents
as well as
children
 can feel more relaxed as
this
 type of learning offers flexibility and convenience.
For instance
, many software professionals in New Zealand currently choose online schooling in order to attain a work-life balance.
Moreover
, studies show that online learners consistently provide excellent performance in academics
whereas
 they fail to perform in extra-curricular activities
such
 as debate, elocution etc.
Hence
, online schooling is not at all a bad perspective for those who are keen to excel in academic studies. Traditional schooling is quite common even in today's world,
however
, modern ways of teaching are
also
 gaining attention.
Although
 two of these methods are effective, in my opinion, the coming years will witness the joint venture of online
as well as
 offline learning systems.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

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Task Response
You have addressed the task prompt comprehensively, providing a clear argument and backing it up with relevant points. However, you can enhance your essay by delving deeper into the implications of each argument and providing a bit more detailed examples. Consider exploring the potential consequences of an over-reliance on online education or how a hybrid system might function in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logical flow of ideas is commendable. However, you could improve coherence by adding a few more linking words or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. Minor grammatical adjustments, such as adding spaces after periods, can also improve readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve coherence, you can strengthen the transitions between paragraphs. For instance, starting the paragraph on the disadvantages of online schooling with a sentence that clearly contrasts with the previous paragraph about its advantages can make the progression of ideas clearer.
Introduction and Conclusion
The conclusion is effectively tied back to the main discussion, emphasizing the coexistence of traditional and modern educational systems moving forward.
Supported Main Points
The essay demonstrates strong control over ideas, presenting a balanced view of both traditional and online education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence (AI)
  • machine learning
  • online learning platforms
  • virtual reality (VR)
  • personalized AI tutors
  • tailored educational experiences
  • human interaction
  • mentor
  • inspire
  • psychological needs
  • group discussions
  • teamwork
  • social aspects of learning
  • critical life skills
  • digital-only format
  • hybrid model
  • educational accessibility
  • personalization
  • facilitating learning
  • curiosity
  • innovation
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