IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

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Without a doubt, travelling plays a huge role
to
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for
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 a lot of individuals in today's modernized life.
This
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 leads us to pose a pivotal question, can travelling be a beneficial thing a teach us some life needs? In
this
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 essay, I will examine the idea of having an abroad trip and a local one
as well as
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 demonstrate my point of view. On the one hand,
imporving
Correct your spelling
improving
 our life skills is the root cause of the idea of going abroad.
In other words
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, several people have a firm belief that it will help them to break new
grounds
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ground
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 and learn how to deal with the complications that they may face in their journey.
For instance
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, adolescent individuals could be more adult if
they
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they have
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 been put in a situation where there
are
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is
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not
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no
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 anyone
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
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 help them. Simple, the more ultra-challenging issues you face, the stronger you will be.
On the other hand
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, Certain people hold the opinion that we ought to focus more on our local landmarks.
Moreover
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, a
considerabe
Correct your spelling
considerable
 number of outstanding and scenic locations which could be found effortlessly deserve a visit.
In addition
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, spending our money in our countries is far more better, especially for those who live in a developing state that suffering from numerous economic
probelms
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problems
. As a matter of fact, Both the government and the society will obtain the merits if we choose to turn our money in our states. In conclusion, as we have seen, though having a trip
abroadly
Correct your spelling
abroad
 could reflect on you positively, it has a detrimental impact on locals.
However
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, on balance, I tend to
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that travelling abroad is much more beneficial.

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coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'improving our life skills is the root cause of the idea of going abroad.' Ensure proper verb tenses and word choices.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph fully develops a single main idea. For example, the first body paragraph discusses improving life skills through travel but could go into more detail with examples to support this point.
coherence cohesion
Clarify complex ideas to make them more understandable. For instance, the sentence 'In conclusion, as we have seen, though having a trip abroadly could reflect on you positively, it has a detrimental impact on locals' could be simplified and made clearer.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting and ending point for your discussion.
complete response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective and consideration of different viewpoints.
logical structure
You have attempted to use transitions and link ideas logically, which makes the essay easier to follow.
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