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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#three #show #changes #uk #school #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts illustrate the comparative proportions of the annual total school
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in some selected schools in The UK in 1981 and 1991.
Overall
Linking Words
, teachers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 had the lion's share of the school spending in both years, increasing over the next ten years.
While
Linking Words
 the percentages of spending on other workers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 and resources from the whole spending rose during the period shown, the level of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on furniture and equipment fell considerably. In 1981, 40% of the total school spending
allocated
Add a missing verb
was allocated
show examples
 to the teachers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 which made the greatest percentage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
expenditure
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 resources was as same as that of furniture and equipment.
While
Linking Words
 other workers'
salaries
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 responsible for 28% of the total expense, 2% of
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was for the insurance costs. Over the next ten years, the spending on the teachers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 remained as the highest percentage of spending, comprising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the total spending in schools.
Although
Linking Words
 the spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources showed an increase of 5% to 20% in 1991, the percentage for furniture and equipment experienced a significant decrease to 5%.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts, other workers'
salaries
Use synonyms
 had 22% of the total spending in 1991, as compared to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
28% of that in 1981.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insurance increased to 2%, it remained as the item with the lowest
perentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 among other items.
Submitted by hesam.kord.f on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, salaries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spending distribution
  • annual expenditures
  • budget allocation
  • highest expenditures
  • fluctuations
  • budget priorities
  • reduced spending
  • increased spending
  • emphasis
  • significant changes
  • consistent emphasis
  • rising costs
  • noteworthy shifts
  • spending patterns
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