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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people strongly believe that famous people's private lives should not be publicized in the media. In my opinion, there are some benefits of exposing their information;
however
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, the disadvantages outweigh. It is obvious that the main factor why celebs should share their lives on social news is shortening the distance between their real life and followers. Fans around the world can know and understand more about their off-stage personality. To cite an instance, many celebs in Vietnam always announce when they face various struggles
while
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 working.
As a result
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, followers become more loyal and sympathetic to their idols.
Furthermore
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, several teenagers are motivated by positive energy exposure from many influencers;
hence
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, celebs are encouraged to share daily moments on social platforms.
On the other hand
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, some discuss that sharing the personal lives of celebrities in the media offers several drawbacks. Concerning the former, the more information is exposed to the public, the more risks famous people might face. A good example of
this
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 phenomenon is some criminals and stalkers may follow them and their families to their houses and send distinctive anonymous letters to threaten. The second point is to make up stories from haters and get body-shaming easily. Not only do some have mental health, but they
also
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 get depression or anxiety. In conclusion, sharing the personal less of celebrities with the public partially contributes to enhancing the relationships between fans and them. I agree that they should not show their daily routine on several media platforms as it causes potential downsides.

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen your coherence and cohesion score, consider dedicating separate paragraphs to each idea you present. This helps in creating clearer, more focused arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and detriments of publicizing celebrities' private lives.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and structured, providing a nice framework for your essay.
task achievement
You included a specific example related to Vietnamese celebrities, which was relevant and added value to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
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