There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.(re)

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The debate over whether non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as physical

education

Use synonyms

and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus to allow students to focus more on academic

success

Use synonyms

is a contentious one.

While

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some argue that prioritizing academic

subjects

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is essential for future

success

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, others believe that practical

subjects

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play an equally important role in a child’s

overall

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development. In

this

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essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and explain why I support the inclusion of non-academic

subjects

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in the school curriculum. On one hand, it is argued that academic

subjects

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are crucial for securing a successful career.

This

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belief is rooted in the idea that society places a higher value on professions that require intellectual

skills

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rather than physical abilities.

Consequently

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, parents often push their children to excel in

subjects

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such

Linking Words

as mathematics, science, and literature, which are perceived as gateways to lucrative and prestigious careers. Given the competitive nature of the job market, it is understandable that many parents prioritize academic achievement to ensure their children stand out in fields like engineering, medicine, and law.

However

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, I believe that practical

subjects

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such

Linking Words

as physical

education

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and cookery should not be dismissed as unimportant. Not every child excels in academic

subjects

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, and for some, practical

skills

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may be the key to their future

success

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For example

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, athletes who dedicate their time to training and competing can achieve remarkable

success

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, often surpassing what they could have accomplished in a traditional 9-to-5 job.

Similarly

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skills

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learned in cookery classes can lead to rewarding careers in the culinary arts, where creativity and hands-on experience are highly valued.

Moreover

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, practical

subjects

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contribute to a well-rounded

education

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, promoting physical health, creativity, and life

skills

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that are essential for personal growth and development. In conclusion,

while

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academic

subjects

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undeniably play a vital role in a child’s

education

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, I firmly believe that non-academic

subjects

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offer equally valuable benefits. Removing these

subjects

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from the curriculum would deprive students of opportunities to develop important life

skills

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and pursue alternative paths to

success

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Therefore

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, it is essential to maintain a balanced curriculum that includes both academic and practical

subjects

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to cater to the diverse needs and talents of all students.

kamonluck1999Tue Aug 27 2024

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task achievement

While your arguments are well-structured and clear, adding a few more specific examples or statistics could bolster your points. This would provide concrete evidence to your claims and make your argument even more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Some transitional phrases could be more varied. Try using different connectors and linking phrases to maintain the reader's interest and enhance the flow between your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The logical structuring makes it easy to follow your arguments.

task achievement

You presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue before stating your own opinion, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

360 words

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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.(re)

Your opinion

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems,as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your friend bought tickets to the theatre for both of you. Write a letter to a friend to tell him that you cannot go to theatre. In your letter -Apologize -Explain the situation -Tell him what he can do with the extra ticket.

In many countries people of all ages do sports and exercises a lot. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvanatges? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experience and knowledge.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fewer and fewer people today right by hand using a pen pencil or brush. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or a negative development?