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Band 7.5

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #buildings #ones
Nowadays, many people strongly believe that the preservation of several old
buildings
 needs to pay more attention than others. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
 phenomenon;
hence
, I will explain my view in the following essay. It is obvious that many old properties can express the value of a country’s culture.
Firstly
, old
buildings
 being historical ruins expose the challenges and difficulties of our ancestors in fighting during the wars.
Therefore
, they are apparent evidence of the victory in many countries.
Secondly
, ancient
buildings
 are critical of many damaging actions and remind descendant about covering their country simultaneously. Because of the profound dedication of pre-generation, people are responsible for keeping the value of
this
 architecture as their symbol.
Furthermore
, preserving old property is a good way to show respect to their societies in some cases. Concerning the former, they are special achievements of ancestors that citizens of each country need to be grateful for. Several ancient structures are the pride of an area.
Due to
 lots of efforts in the past, the young generation should protect traditions and perceptions which were maintained by ancestors. To cite an instance, in Vietnam, people especially teenagers, are fostered thein awareness of the valuable heritage.
Thus
, they know the way how to introduce and expand their culture to others around the world.
Moreover
, it can enhance the interaction and relationship between different societies. In conclusion, reserving old
buildings
 gives many benefits to countries
such
 as exposing the value of culture, the respect of descendants and offering many better cooperations in the future. I claim that hesitates deserves much attention from
this
 area.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure your ideas connect more smoothly. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help with this.
task achievement
Your task achievement is good, but ensuring that examples are more specific and clearly relevant to your points could strengthen it further.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be rephrased for clarity and better comprehension. Focus on structuring sentences more clearly to express your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide relevant arguments and examples to support your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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