IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the media has the right to publish details of people’s views, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #people’s
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It is argued that publishing detailed
information
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 about
people
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's beliefs is a part of
media
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right
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rights
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,
while
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others
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 argue that controlling
media
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 is crucial.
This
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 essay will discuss both views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, covering detailed
information
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 on
people
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's perspectives is commonly regarded as a part of freedom of speech. It means that the
media
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 has the right to give
information
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 about not only
thoughts
Correct article usage
the thoughts
show examples
 of certain
people
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 but
also
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 other detailed
information
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 about them as long as based on journalism ethics. In many democratic countries,
media
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 is regarded as one of the pillars of democracy in which they have a crucial role in informing about elite views
such
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 as presidents, ministers, and other public figures. It is important because by presenting them on the news, the
media
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 could control the elites from misbehaving
such
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 as corruption.
However
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,
others
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 are of the opinion that
media
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 should be managed because it can lead to disturbing
people
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's privacy. In
this
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 digital era where
information
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 can spread rapidly, governments have to control
media
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 coverage. In the
last
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 two decades, the Indonesian government has introduced the
Information
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Law
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 to ensure that
media
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 industries pay attention to their news.
This
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 controversial policy has brought some newsrooms to the court.
Furthermore
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,
media
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 outlets can be banned if they spread disinformation and hoaxes about
people
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 in their journalistic works. In other cases, many civilians who comment unethically on social
media
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 platforms receive penalties based on
this
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law
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. Even though some experts blame
this
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law
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 is robbing democracy,
others
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 believe that
this
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 is an effective tool to control
media
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. In conclusion, the right of
media
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 to cover personal ways of thinking is a part of the freedom of speech principles.
On the other hand
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,
others
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 believe that human privacy is crucial, so
media
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 should be controlled, particularly by introducing the
law
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.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing actual cases of media misreporting or notable instances of successful regulation would add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. For example, use transitional phrases to connect the ideas more clearly, like 'As a result', 'Consequently', or 'Moreover'.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical accuracy and ensure that the sentences are clearly structured. For instance, 'give information about not only thoughts of certain people but also other detailed information' could be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the essay well and provide a solid framework for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, which shows a balanced understanding of the issue. This helps in scoring higher points in task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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