IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Well, there are many reasons why animals become extinct or enter
this
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 extensive list, here we will talk about some of them. I think that one of the problems causing them to become extinct is humanity. We as humans cause
this
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 by destroying their habitat, where they live, or poor care of the environment in general. Some other reasons may be
due to
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 the lack of love towards Mother Earth, since sometimes when we go to the countryside or are outdoors where there is a lot of vegetation we start lighting bonfires, or maybe cutting trees, and by doing those things we cause a total disorder in what is the balance of life. Another reason is global warming, since
due to
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 these changes in the climate, certain places around the world are deteriorating,
For example
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, the North Pole,
due to
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 global warming, the ice at the North Pole is disappearing and melting to the point that in a couple of time there will no longer be any ice there. Another reason for the hunting
that is
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 done, as I said at the beginning,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 main threat and cause of the spread of these animals, is us as humans,
although
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 we ourselves aren'
t
Use synonyms
 the ones who hunt, we don'
t
Use synonyms
 raise awareness so that they no longer do it, as much as those people like us have the blame. In my opinion, to solve all
this
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 or find a way so that more of these animals don'
t
Use synonyms
 become extinct, is to raise awareness among people,
Also
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 that we're aware of what we're doing,
at the end
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 of the day, they aren'
t
Use synonyms
 to blame nor do they deserve that their habitats are destroyed, or that
due to
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 hunting there are no more of that species. Only we can stop or at least reduce the number of extinct species, why we
also
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 have to know that it is something natural, but not making it common.

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What works well

3
task achievement

The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of various reasons for animal extinction, including human activity, environmental degradation, and global warming.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present, and the essay attempts to address the topic comprehensively.

task achievement

The essay uses some relevant examples to support its points, for instance, the melting of ice at the North Pole due to global warming.

Improvement Suggestions

3
coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'Furthermore.'

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and include topic sentences to make your points clearer. This will help enhance task response and coherence.

task achievement

Try to use more specific and varied examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific conservation programs or laws that have been successful in protecting endangered species.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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