IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Your friend is asking for your advice. He is going to university and can't decide whether to study music or business management. Write a letter - How you felt when you got the letter - What the good points are for both sides and - What your advice is

#friend #advice #university #study #music #business #management #points
Dear John, I hope that you're doing great, I'm writing
this
 message to share with you my opinion regarding which major should you select and study at university. To be honest, when I got your letter I felt a little bit confused because I know how difficult to decide
a
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on a
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certain major that you would like to study. But I'm very excited to provide my knowledge and help
for
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to
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 you. I know that you are always interested in learning music. And what's great about it,
that
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is that
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 it will enhance your musical skills that you already have.
On the other hand
, studying business management will
insure
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ensure
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 that you have a great income in the future.
Therefore
, I believe that
business
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a business
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 management major is a great option for you, and
also
 very easy to learn. And I'm sure that you will enjoy it. So if I were you I would go for it. If you need any help please let me know, see you soon. Best wishes, Nouf,
Submitted by noufxmut on

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coherence and cohesion
Try to make the paragraphs more distinct by focusing on a single idea in each one. For instance, separate the points about how you felt when receiving the letter and the good points of each major into different paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific, detailed reasons and examples for why studying business management might be beneficial. This will help in providing a more complete response.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is very suitable; it's warm, friendly, and supportive, which is appropriate for writing to a friend.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are well-done, making the letter feel complete and coherent.

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