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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

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In various nations, the
gap
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 between higher and lower classes is rising and
this
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 cause brings different problems like inequality in using different
facilities
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 and increasing crime rates introducing more
taxes
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 and job creation can solve these problems. Nowadays, the bourgeoisie is increasing in many countries and it leads to the use of
facilities
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 unfairly.
In other words
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,
people
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 who are wealthy can utilize different
facilities
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 including better health and educational services than poor families and it is against human rights and equality.
In addition
Linking Words
, by increasing the
gap
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, the rate of crime and illegal acts are grown and poor
people
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 are forced to do robbery and thievery because they have to provide their basic demands.
For instance
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, by increasing inflation in Iran, the
gap
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 between high and low-class
people
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 has increased, and
as a result
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, a higher rate of robbery can be seen in society. To tackle these issues, the government should introduce more
taxes
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 not only on higher class income but
also
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 on the
facilities
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 which they use.
This
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 solution can help governments to provide more services for the lower class by spending these
taxes
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.
Moreover
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, the creation of occupations for poor individuals can be the most significant solution. Increasing job opportunities culminate in decreasing unemployed numbers and
this
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 can reduce the
gap
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 between the high and low class because the main reason for the
gap
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 is the lack of jobs.
For instance
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, in developed nations like the UK,
people
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 have many suitable opportunities related to their abilities with a proper salary and
due to
Linking Words
 that, the difference between the classes is negligible. In conclusion, the slit between well-off and poverty-stricken
people
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 is rising and it leads to an imbalance in using
facilities
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 and growing the rate of vandalism and crime to address these problems governments should set more
taxes
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 on both wealthy
people
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's income and services that they use,
also
Linking Words
, they should provide more job opportunities for poor
people
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction is very concise and could benefit from a clearer thesis statement or outlining of the main points that follow. This can help guide the reader more effectively through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are lengthy and may feel convoluted, which can disrupt the natural flow and readability. Breaking longer sentences into shorter ones can improve clarity.
task achievement
While you’ve provided relevant examples, such as the case of Iran, enhancing the depth and variety of examples could further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have tackled the topic directly and provided clear points on both problems and solutions, which aligns well with the task achievement criterion.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples positively supports your arguments and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to problems and solutions, which makes it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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