Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?
In recent years,
technology
has revolutionised the way people
interact with each other. This
essay will explore the various ways in which technology
has impacted relationships
and argue that while
there are both benefits and drawbacks to these changes, the overall
effect is largely positive.
Firstly
,the advent of technology
has provided people
with readily
access to connect.Change the adverb
ready
For example
, it allows individuals to maintain relationships
over long distances through social media, video calls, text messaging, and emails, making it possible for loved ones to stay connected regardless of location.
On the other hand
, technology
has expanded social circles, allowing individuals to interact with a more diverse range of people
from different cultures and backgrounds. For instance
, online communities have emerged, enabling people
to form relationships
based on shared interests. Furthermore
, online platforms also
provide crucial support networks, offering emotional and practical assistance to those in need.
However
, it is undeniable that technology
can also
lead to superficial connections, where online interactions lack the depth of face-to-face relationships
. In some cases, the convenience of digital communication has reduced the frequency of in-person interactions, potentially weakening social skills. Moreover
, the issue of privacy has become a significant concern, as oversharing online can lead to trust issues and data security problems.
In conclusion, technology
has changed the way people
form and maintain relationships
, bringing both advantages and challenges. While
it has enhanced connectivity and broadened social horizons, it has also
introduced the risk of superficiality and privacy issues. Overall
, the positive aspects of technology
in fostering relationships
outweigh the negatives, provided that individuals strive to maintain a healthy balance between online and offline interactions.Submitted by zora840810 on
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task achievement
While your essay is well-structured and coherent, providing some specific examples or case studies could strengthen your arguments further. You mentioned general benefits and drawbacks of technology, but illustrating them with more concrete examples could enhance the depth of the essay.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor typographical and grammatical errors such as 'readily access' which should be 'ready access'. Even though these are small errors, avoiding them can make your essay even more polished.
coherence cohesion
For even better coherence, you could use more varied transitional phrases to better link your points together. For example, instead of 'Firstly', you might use 'To begin with' or 'In the first place' to add variety.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-articulated structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps to present your main points effectively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships, which showcases your ability to present a nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is commendable, as each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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