IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
In some countries like
France
Add a comma
France,
show examples
 young people are permitted to enter the majority of national
museums
 free of
charge
,
whereas
 in Lithuania and other
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 money is required to enter a
museum
. Both scenarios come with their advantages and disadvantages. The greatest advantage of a free
museum
 for its
visitors
 is the cost. New adults and teenagers often struggle financially. Bearing in mind that they have not yet completed their education and do not have
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs, free
museums
 are a great place to socialize and learn something new without having to compromise their health by economizing on grocery bills.
Free of
Add a hyphen
Free-of-charge
show examples
charge
museums
 are often beneficial for their owners.
For example
, in France only people up to 25 have free access to
museums
 and
thus
 if a young person who has visited a particular
museum
 and fallen in love with its collection wishes to come back in a few years he or she will now have to pay for it ultimately will bring income.
This
 is often advantageous for
such
museums
 over the ones that
charge
 money because people are more likely to come back.
On the other hand
, there are advantages to charging the
visitors
 upon entrance. The most obvious one is income. Charging
visitors
 brings in a lot of money that can
then
 be used to improve the collection on display and pay the employees. Apart from bringing income, charging
visitors
 can make a
museum
 more exclusive. In expensive
museums
,
for instance
,
visitors
 expect to be blown away and can often decide to visit it only to see if the price is justified. All in all, both types of
museums
 have their pros and cons. In specific cases deciding to
charge
 its
visitors
 can be wise but sometimes free of
charge
museums
 can be more financially successful.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that your arguments are evenly developed. Your essay leans more towards personal opinion in support of free museums, while the section supporting paid museums appears weaker. Try balancing your paragraphs to give a more rounded view.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence and cohesion by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will make your essay flow better. Also, try to make clearer transitions between your points to improve the logical structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as comparing practices in France and Lithuania, which supported your points well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were both present and effective, clearly framing the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: