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Band 5.5

The importance of art lectures, such as drawing and painting, are equivalent to that of other subjects, on the development of a child, thereby, students in high schools should compulsorily learn them. This author shares the same view with this statement as skills enhancement, and good scores.

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It must be acknowledged that there are no fixed patterns in the art field.
Therefore
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, one’s product all depends on one’s imagination. Learning and producing arts can help to enhance people’s creativity and critical thinking, which skills are very crucial in the future.
Moreover
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, arts are
also
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 a way of expressing one’s feelings and thoughts. Because of
this
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, teachers are likely to have a deeper insight into their students’ personalities, knowing their strong and weak points.
This
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 will give teenagers an opportunity to understand more fully about themselves, so they can decide which jobs to do or courses to take. Another advantageous factor that can be considered is that it will be much easier for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people to get high marks in these subjects. The difference in the marking criteria between art and the remaining subjects,
such
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 as math or physics, is obvious. The reason behind
this
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 is that there are no specific ways to produce a product.
Furthermore
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, the tutors are more lenient in the marking than usual. Teachers
also
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 benefit from
this
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 approach, too. Less time would need to be spent to grade the students’ products, as all they need to do is just
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 at the products and give grades depending on their feelings.
Thus
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, those classes can bring back great outcomes. In conclusion, art classes should be compulsory in high schools
due to
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 skills improvement and high marks.
Hence
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, they play a pivotal role in civilization.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which is strong. However, the introduction could be more directly tied to the body paragraphs for better cohesion.
task achievement
The main points are addressed, but some arguments could be more thoroughly developed with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Including concrete examples or more details in support of your arguments would make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical inconsistencies. They don’t heavily detract from your work but polishing them would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and emphasizes their importance, which is effective.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow in your arguments, making it easy to follow your points.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic and addresses the prompt well.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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