Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports?

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These days,
sports
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are becoming more and more involved in financial ways.
Sportsmen
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and companies are highly paid.
While
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this
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development could lead to more motivation from
sportsmen
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's sides, it could
also
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result in some disadvantaged situations.   On one side, it is true that high salaries for
sports
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are good.
Thus
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, it could stimulate passion and desire for sportspeople to try more and achieve success in their field by receiving first
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
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in championships and competitions.
As a result
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, it is prestigious for the country and its people too.
For example
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, in Brazil, the whole
sports
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industry is well paid;
consequently
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, the number of winnings in
this
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country in every sport type, namely football and gymnastics, is high.
Therefore
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,
this
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trend has a positive impact in every aspect.    On the other side, huge involvement in financial
sports
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could play a negative role.
This
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can become a monopoly
game
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in the
sports
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industry, as
this
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is becoming a type of business.
For instance
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, in South Korea,
this
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has already become a monopoly
game
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.
Instead
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of seeking talents in
this
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field, the government hires
sportsmen
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who have any talent in
sports
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.
In addition
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,
this
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can lead to a loss of interest in
sports
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. Some people will take part in competitions just in order to earn money, not to win the
game
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.
Thus
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,
this
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kind of development
also
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has a negative side.   In conclusion,
although
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rewarding sportspeople with high salaries will evoke motivation and a desire to win and for better outcomes, too much involvement in financial ways in companies and
sportsmen
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can create a monopoly
game
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.

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task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next; consider using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to reinforce your main points.
task achievement
You've made a clear attempt to discuss both positive and negative aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay well-rounded.
task achievement
You have presented clear ideas and supported them with some examples.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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