Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
sports
are becoming more and more involved in financial ways.
Sportsmen
and companies are highly paid.
While
this
development could lead to more motivation from
sportsmen
's sides, it could
also
result in some disadvantaged situations.   On one side, it is true that high salaries for
sports
are good.
Thus
, it could stimulate passion and desire for sportspeople to try more and achieve success in their field by receiving first
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
in championships and competitions.
As a result
, it is prestigious for the country and its people too.
For example
, in Brazil, the whole
sports
industry is well paid;
consequently
, the number of winnings in
this
country in every sport type, namely football and gymnastics, is high.
Therefore
,
this
trend has a positive impact in every aspect.    On the other side, huge involvement in financial
sports
could play a negative role.
This
can become a monopoly
game
in the
sports
industry, as
this
is becoming a type of business.
For instance
, in South Korea,
this
has already become a monopoly
game
.
Instead
of seeking talents in
this
field, the government hires
sportsmen
who have any talent in
sports
.
In addition
,
this
can lead to a loss of interest in
sports
. Some people will take part in competitions just in order to earn money, not to win the
game
.
Thus
,
this
kind of development
also
has a negative side.   In conclusion,
although
rewarding sportspeople with high salaries will evoke motivation and a desire to win and for better outcomes, too much involvement in financial ways in companies and
sportsmen
can create a monopoly
game
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next; consider using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to reinforce your main points.
task achievement
You've made a clear attempt to discuss both positive and negative aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay well-rounded.
task achievement
You have presented clear ideas and supported them with some examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: