Some people say that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There have been growing efforts by the governments to improve
people
’s health. Some
people
may have claimed that reducing environmental pollution and solving ever-increasing housing
problems
will prevent
illness
and
disease
in
society
.
However
, personally, I disagree with
this
suggestion because there are other factors that can cause
illness
and
disease
.
Firstly
,
illness
and
disease
are not affected by pollution and housing
problems
. In the past, not only air pollution and dirty water
problems
but
also
lack of residences were worldwide prevalent
problems
.
However
, now things have changed, allowing
people
to have fresh water with filtration and providing many high-stories flats that can be easily accessible, because of the development of scientific and construction technology.
Nevertheless
, modern
society
has gone through harsh diseases, I think
this
is because there are unexpected disasters which have become burdens to the government. When COVID-19 swept the world world,
for instance
, the government could not stop the spread of viruses.
Consequently
, even though the governments tried hard to reduce environmental
problems
, they couldn't help
people
from preventing unexpected virus diseases.
Moreover
, there are other reasons that cause
illness
rather than environmental and housing
problems
.
First,
people
nowadays prefer to eat junk food which is awash with fat,
instead
of having healthy nutritious ingredients. Just imagine that hamburger,
for instance
, its flavour is stimulated, feeling tastier than healthy food, resulting in influencing
people
’s dietary habits negatively. What I am concerned about is that having unhealthy food makes
people
struggle with
illness
.
Additionally
,
people
are stressed a lot these days, due largely to heavy workloads, thereby having mental diseases like demotivation and depression. Most workers in Korea,
for example
, have complained about being required to do extra work in their workplace. I
also
feel worried about it because
this
can cause a dark atmosphere in
society
in the future. For these reasons,
illness
and
disease
are derived from other factors in our
society
. In conclusion,
although
the governments have tried to solve environmental and housing
problems
to prevent
people
from
illness
, they are wrestling with ongoing
problems
that cannot be solved. I firmly believe that they should focus on finding
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other methods to prevent and improve
people
’s health.
Submitted by kchengii on

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1. Strong conclusion: The essay has a clear and summarizing conclusion that effectively restates your position. 2. Relevant examples: You have used relevant examples like COVID-19 and junk food, which help illustrate your points. 3. Coherence in argument: The essay maintains a coherent argument throughout, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.
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4. Good use of English: Your essay demonstrates a good command of the English language with a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory diseases
  • heart conditions
  • incidence
  • affordable housing
  • stress
  • infectious diseases
  • preventative measures
  • cost-effective
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • comprehensive approach
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • exacerbated
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