IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this is not good for children, while others say that competition help students try harder and achieve more. Give your opinion.

In recent years, the educational system, especially the school
education
Use synonyms
, has become highly competitive.
Although
Linking Words
 a few individuals argue that the increased
competition
Use synonyms
 can have negative consequences on the development of
children
Use synonyms
, others think that it is a positive development as it fosters young minds to accomplish great success.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, critics of competitive
education
Use synonyms
 contend that it can adversely affect the mental well-being of
children
Use synonyms
. When schools promote competitive
education
Use synonyms
, they put
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals under pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools increase the number of tests conducted at their institutions to prepare pupils for competitive examinations,
such
Linking Words
 as the college entrance examination.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 are compelled to spend more time on studies, with less physical activity.
This
Linking Words
 can
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
show examples
 affect their mental
as well as
Linking Words
 physical health. The increased incidence of depression and social anxiety in teenagers can be cited as an example
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can be justified that increased
competition
Use synonyms
 can have negative impacts on
children
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, advocates of competitive
education
Use synonyms
 argue that it can encourage
students
Use synonyms
 to achieve more. As
competition
Use synonyms
 increases, learners require higher scores to gain better ranks in tests.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should have extraordinary grades to enter professional courses.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in special coaching institutions to improve their scores.
For example
Linking Words
, many high school
students
Use synonyms
 in India join additional entrance preparation courses to secure excellent grades in professional entrance examinations. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 boosts
children
Use synonyms
 to work for higher
education
Use synonyms
, its detrimental effect on these young minds cannot be neglected.
While
Linking Words
 a promising knowledge economy is built through
this
Linking Words
 level of
competition
Use synonyms
, many young
students
Use synonyms
 are deeply affected by the enormous level of stress they are subjected to during
this
Linking Words
 journey.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced approach will be rewarding, which offers adequate breaks and appreciation to reignite and refresh these young
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To be sure your answer fits the task, make your view clear from the first paragraph. State your position and what you will cover.
coherence cohesion
Make links between ideas in each paragraph. Use linking words and keep one main idea per paragraph. End with a short close that connects to your idea.
strength
The essay makes a clear view about the issue and has a final opinion.
strength
There is a good use of examples like tests and coaching to support points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: